The 2008-09 Toronto Maple Leafs: A season long tank job

NHL training camps begin in just under a month, and once again the mighty Leafs come into the season having not made the playoffs the previous year. However, there is a different scent in the air this year. Since the lockout, Leaf fans have been anticipating a resurgence back to the Promised Land, or at least back to the heyday of the previous decade, roughly 1993-2003. This year is a very different year indeed, because this year there is only one real hope for this team, one real outlook. One word best describes what should be on the mind of everyone in the Leafs front office this year, and only one word describes what should be on the minds of all Leaf fans across the country this year. That word is: Tankapolooza.

Tankapolooza occurs when a team or player does everything they have to do to lose in order to get something of value in return. Some famous “tanks” include the 2006-07 Boston Celtics, who began fighting with Memphis in order to get the most number of ping pong balls in the draft lottery. They landed No 2, traded it away to Seattle and received Ray Allen who helped them win the NBA Championship this past season. The Washington Capitals, sensing their season was as dead as a post 90210 career, (paging Ian Ziering to Hardware, Ian Ziering report to the Hardware department) won 3 of their last 22 games en route to winning the 2004 NHL draft lottery and picking up Alexander Ovechkin in the process. The Ottawa Senators seemed to tank for years on end for one more chance to redeem themselves from that massively bad 1993 No 1 pick (Alexander Daigle). Players are not immune to the lour of the tank job. One could argue C.C. Sabathia this year did not give his best in order to be traded from the sad sack Indians to a contender. Of course who could forget Vince Carter’s performance leading up to the trade with New Jersey which sent Toronto the pu pu platter from the Nets in exchange. So it’s safe to say that perhaps there is something to be gained in the ancient art of tanking. This is where the Leafs come into play.

Since the turn of the century only the Columbus Blue Jackets have been more inept at putting together a competitive team on the ice. To put it in perspective, the guy who played AC Slater from Saved by the Bell has had a better six years than the Leafs. Toronto has tried to assemble a team of stars via free agency. Notable free agent signings over the past few seasons include Jason Allison (B+), Eric Lindros (C-), Bates Battaglia (C-) and Michael Peca (C). These were all made with a purpose of making a charge towards the playoffs; none worked. The Leafs have one might assume attempted to gain admirable product via the draft. However, the last player drafted by this team who has gone on to anything of importance is Brad Boyes, drafted in 2000. The Leafs traded him for Owen Nolan in 2003 and while Nolan is now out of the league, Boyes is scoring 40+ goals a season for the Blues. Once again, in an effort to make the team better the Leafs failed and missed the playoffs in 2003-04.

After firing JFJ and then letting go Paul Maurice this past season, they seem to have someone in charge who knows exactly what this team needs to be. If there has to be a photo of only one NHL logo in Cliff Fletcher’s office, it has to be that of the Quebec Nordiques. Only the constant reminder of how bad the Nordiques were from 1987 to 1992 can help turn this thing around. The Leafs have been mediocre the last few seasons; however this season they need to be worse. Like Rachel Phelps said in Major League “We’ve been losing, but what I want is for us to finish dead last.” Dead last. This has to be the goal for the Leafs front office. With a dead last finish the Leafs can possibly gain access to one Jonathan Tavares who is supposedly the next Sidney Crosby or Alex Ovechkin. He could be the young golden boy to finally bring an end to this era of helplessness. He could be to the Maple Leafs what “Dreamgirls” should have been to Eddie Murphy (before he went back to making Nutty Professor 7 or whatever movie that was where he played every character). And it seems that Fletcher is doing what he can to make it a certainty that Leaf fans will be anticipating not a playoff run this spring, but a run at the No 1 pick.

The secret to any tank job is to have the right pieces in place and the wrong ones out of place, and as the Leafs start the season it seems that the moves this team has made over the off season ensures that a an unheard of season long tank job is a real possibility. The first thing the GM did was to get rid of certain players who may screw this thing up. After all, they don’t want to openly come out and say “we’re gonna make this season the hockey equivalent of Ben Affleck’s movie career after Gigli.” It has to be somewhat secretive, and by doing the following three things Fletcher has done his part to mask this massive operation.

1) Buying out Darcy Tucker. Tucker is the kind of player who could really mess this up for all of us. He played horribly last season to the tune of 18/16/34, or basically $100K a point give or take. It was his worst PPG average since joining the Leafs so he had to be shipped out. But he’s also the kind of grinder type player that could fire up the rest of the team, and get hot for any number of games down the stretch. The last thing this team needs this season is to go 9-2-2 in March.

2) Getting rid of Andrew Raycroft and bringing in Curtis Joseph. I know, I know, Raycroft could be the savior for this whole thing. Not since Jim Carey (the Net Detective) has a goalie showed so much promise and then blown up spectacularly. However, this has to be done in secret. The Leafs have to show the league that they are at least attempting to put a good product on the ice, although a good look at the skaters will tell even the most casual fan that this is not the case. Toskala and his 31^st best save percentage last year should be able to help this team lose 50, but if not, 73 year old CuJo can come in and do the job nicely.

3) Not giving Mats Sundin everything he wants. Sundin is the obvious x-factor. If he somehow plays here, we can all kiss the No 1 pick goodbye because like it or not, he’s a leader and a truly great talent even at 37. If he plays somewhere else, then Nik Antropov will be the No 1 centre. Nik Antropov! It’s not quite the 1992 New England Patriots starting Scott Zolak at QB but its close. Although doing that DID land them Drew Bledsoe in the draft and ushered in a series of successful seasons culminating with a Super Bowl appearance in 1997 so I think Nik can do this job nicely. After all, he is poised to become the recipient of “only forward on the Leafs who will receive a EA Sports rating of 70+ in NHL 09.” After taking care of these things the Leafs then went to the free agent market and came out with their draft flags waving proudly.

The biggest free agent signing of the off season was not a great player or perhaps even a good player, but a Top 4 defenceman snatched away from Colorado who at $4 million per season will be counted upon to deliver the 4/10/14/-29 they sorely need this year. On July 1^st the collective thoughts of everyone in Leaf Nation was the same. “Jeff Finger? Who? Is that his porn name?” Obviously his two assists in the Avalanche’s round 1 exit in last years playoffs made him the kind of player the Blue & White desperately needed. Because there is not only a salary cap but also a price floor, they needed to spend a certain amount of money. This is to make it seem like this is a team who has their sights set on an adequate record; a canny move in the signing of Finger to be sure. But it doesn’t stop there, now there is word that Bryan McCabe will be taking his “own goals” south to Miami to join Wade Belak (who along with Aki Berg I was convinced co-held the title of “Player who could make the Leafs starting lineup but would never make another team’s roster”. In his defence he is still in the league. Berg is in Europe cooking brats on a street corner). The Panthers will apparently be giving up Mike Van Ryn, another over paid player who will fit right in with this team concept.

Notice no scoring help has been added. That’s because in addition to Antropov, Jason Blake and Alex Ponikarovsky, the Leafs have absolutely no one. This is key. Even Battlefield Earth had John Travolta (which he also produced). This team has ONE C+ scoring line, which coupled with a C- defence core and C+ goalie, should ensure the 20 win season this team must be hoping for. What else can one expect when Jamal Mayers is No 2 on the RW depth chart? Short of sending Carlton the Bear out there this is as good a Tank Depth Chart as there could be.

The real genius of the off season moves was firing Maurice and bringing Ron Wilson, who is an offensive coach. There is a zero percent chance that the Leafs will be an offensive team this season. None. Notta. Miley Cyrus may score more than the Leafs’ 4^th line this year. Once we get past the murderers row that is the Leafs top line, we're left with forwards such as Alex Steen, Mark Bell, the aforementioned Jamal Mayers and Boyd Devereaux (he was on the 1997 World Junior Team don’t you know!) In other words, a bunch of fringe players. As fans we can only dream of the kind of impact an offensive minded coach will have on this team of stars and the impact he might have on the defence as well. The SportsOne sees a plethora of two on one’s in the future for Toskala to have to deal with; it’s all part of the master plan.

In 1989-90 the Quebec Nordiques won 12 games all season, which for an established team is a record of futility (and picked Owen Nolan at No 1). The Leafs won’t approach that number, but once they start to approach 22 or so look for some “curious” moves to be made, such as starting Joseph more often to “give him some work.” (Why was he the only former Leaf brought back? Was Sergei Berezin not available? Lonny Bohonos HAS to be out of jail by now!) Perhaps Kaberle will be sent down to the minors to “fix his attitude”. All we know is, the Leafs HAVE to be preparing for a big payoff next spring. The last 1^st overall pick the Leafs had was Wendel Clark in 1986, who if not for injuries might have been as dominant as Cam Neely was during his prime. Since then it’s been one garbage draft pick after another. What else to expect from a team when in the early 90’s when the first influx of Soviet players came in to the league landed Alexander Godynuyk while the Wings got Fedorov, the Flames got Makarov and the Sabres got Mogilny (the Leafs got him 10 years later). The future is now! Tankapolooza is real and is the chance of a lifetime for the Leafs. With the moves this team has made and the product they’re preparing to put on the ice, it’s the only possible conclusion. They owe it to us to be that bad this season. We’re still not over the Russ Courtnall for John Kordic trade in 1989.

The Evil Madden Curse!

Madden NFL 2009 comes out today and on the cover is none other than the newest NY poster boy, Brett Favre. After spending the last four months gobbling up headlines and water cooler talk, Favre was traded to the lowly NY Jets last week for a fourth round draft pick. The future hall of famer spent many a season in Green Bay leading the Packers offense, including two trips to the Super Bowl winning in 1996 and losing in 1997 to my Denver Broncos which is still the greatest day of my life; my father has informed me that the birth of my first child will someday supplant that, to be honest that’s tough to imagine but that’s a whole other column. Favre also has the distinction of being selected as the ‘cover boy’ of the newest Madden NFL game released by EA sports which raises a curious thought because he will be in a Packer jersey and not a Jets jersey, but once again that’s another column altogether. The bigger question is whether or not the famed Madden curse will affect him. What is the Madden curse? Well let us delve into that.

Starting in 1999 the people at EA sports decided to put an actual NFL player on the cover of their Madden games who either had an MVP type season or displayed any type of ‘it’ quality which could be used to entice people to buy it (more on that later). Up until then every cover had been a picture of John Madden himself which had to have been taken in 1992, because in the years to follow he suffered his own Madden curse, or perhaps he became too large for anything but his head to be featured on the game box. Nevertheless, instead of a generic player which could be anybody, like those used by the good people at Tecmo back in the early 90’s (remember QB Eagles?) this person would be the face of the game and one used to market and sell the video game to the masses. The first player used was former 49er running back Garrison Hearst, who broke his ankle in the playoffs the year ‘his’ game came out. Much like the Oscar celebrations of Cuba Gooding Jr and Roberto Benigni, nobody noticed the omen. Two years later the Madden curse was born.

The Madden Curse stipulates that anyone gracing the cover of the Madden series of NFL video games will either a) suffer an injury in the upcoming season rendering his participation with the team as valuable as any plotline involving Bartholomew Bond on the original Degrassi, b) suffer a production decrease not seen since the 4^th season of Malcolm in the Middle, or c) both. Here is a quick list of the last eight Madden NFL ‘cover boy’s’. (The Madden games are a year ahead. For example, this year’s game is Madden ’09, even though this season is the 2008 season.)

2001: Eddie George, RB, Tennessee Titans

In 2000, George had his best pro season. He rushed for 14 touchdowns and over 1500 yards making him the 3^rd best rusher for the season and also 3^rd best in touchdowns. It seemed like there would not be any curse at all. The Titans wound up winning the AFC central with a record of 13-3. In the second round of the playoffs, George bobbled a pass from QB Steve McNair which was intercepted and returned for a touchdown. The defending AFC champs would lose to Baltimore and their hardcore defense led by All Pro and ‘still no murderer’ Ray Lewis. The next year his production dipped by almost 600 yards.

2002: Dante Culpepper, QB, Minnesota Vikings

In 2000, Culpepper was one of the brightest new stars in the league. He led the upstart Vikings to an 11-5 record and threw for 33 TD’s while only being intercepted 16 times. In the NFC championship game, the signal stealing NY Giants (They had to have! Admit it!) beat Culpepper and the Vik’s 41-0, ending a stellar season. After appearing on the latest version of Fatten’s video game he saw his numbers plummet, throwing for only 14 TDs and being intercepted 13 times. He also injured his knee and missed five weeks. The Vikings finished the season 5-11.

2003: Marshall Faulk, RB, St. Louis Rams

In 2001, Faulk (remember Marshall! Marshall! Marshall?) was the face of the “greatest show on turf.” The Rams were for the better part of the 90’s a laughing stock (who can forget the greatest sports related line in the history of TV. Al Bundy tells Bud to be quiet because “the Bears are playing a very important game. They’re playing the Rams, and if you lose to the Rams they throw you out of the league!” Brilliant.). In 1999 however they turned things around mostly because of Faulk’s great play. In 2002 however, he rushed for his lowest yards since 1996 and sadly was out of the game a few years later.

2005: Ray Lewis, LB, Baltimore Ravens (2004 will come last, for obvious reasons)

In 2003 Lewis was the most menacing linebacker in the NFL. Bone crushing hits and even an interception here and there made him perhaps the only one man defense in NFL history. He was named Defensive Player of the Year and had a career high six INTs. Then EA Sports came calling and his face was put on the cover of the 2005 Madden game. The next season he did not intercept a pass for the first time in his career and his Ravens, who had won a division title the year before, did not make the playoffs. He also suffered an ankle injury late in the season. Madden 4, ‘cover boy’s’ 0.

2006: Donovan “F” McNabb, QB, Philadelphia Eagles

Who could forget the 2004 season for the “iggals”. McNabb finally had a receiver worthy of him (Terrell Owens) and they made the Super Bowl for the first time since 1980. Previous to that however, he had led them to the NFC title game three consecutive years. All of this (plus being sick during a huddle in the Super Bowl yet continuing to play) made him the ideal choice for the Madden franchise with hopes of putting this curse to rest. Well, in 2005 he got injured. In 2006 he got injured. In 2007 he got injured again. In fact, he’s missed more games due to injury the past three seasons than his previous six combined! While Madden is in his limo driving across the US (he hates to fly) munching on corn dogs, his ‘cover boys’ are spending time in the infirmary.

2007: Shawn Alexander, RB, Seattle Seahawks

2005 was a great year for both Alexander and the Seahawks. It featured an MVP for their star running back and a Super Bowl appearance for the team. Even though they lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers in perhaps the worst officiated SB in history (it was! Admit it again!) things looked bright for both the player and the team. Alexander signed a huge contract extension following the season and low and behold the team at EA Sports selected Alexander to be the poster boy for their new and improved Madden ’07 football game. In 2006 however, he rushed for only 896 yards and missed six games with a broken foot. The ‘Hawks still made the playoffs, but only because the rest of the division couldn’t finish better than .500, which more or less resembles the 1998 Oscars. Shakespeare in Love won best picture, but look what it was up against.

2008: Vince Young, QB, Tennessee Titans

On January 4, 2006, Vince Young led the Texas Longhorns to victory over the USC Trojans in perhaps the greatest NCAA National Championship game of all time. He was selected by the Titans and was to be the face of their new team. After a slow start, he led the Titans to come from behind wins over the powerhouse Indianapolis Colts and Buffalo Bills, the latter of which secured Tennessee’s place as a possible playoff team. They would finish one game out, but Young’s great play in the last half of the season made him the “it” player of the year and everyone’s pick to be the newest breakout star. (Think C. Thomas Howell after “Lost Boys”) His 552 rushing yards set a new rookie QB record. After being on the cover of Madden ’08, he got injured missing his first ever start, and threw for more interceptions than touchdowns. Even though the Titans made the playoffs, he was erratic throwing for 138 yards and rushing for only 12 in a 17-6 loss to San Diego. (Think C. Thomas Howell after “Lost Boys”)

Which brings us to the greatest example of the Madden Curse. This one is so unprecedented it’s almost eerie. Nobody, anywhere, ever, could have imagined such a catastrophic and abysmal decline into nothingness than the man who was on the cover of Madden 2004. Most of you know the latter, but it’s so much more than that. Madden 2004 was just the beginning and we all know where it ended. So without further ado:

2004: Michael Vick, QB, Atlanta Falcons

In college he was heralded as the “next generation of QBs”. He could throw (as good as Jim Harbaugh at least) and he could run (better than Randall Cunningham or QB Eagles) but most of all, he could win. He was drafted 1^st overall by the Falcons and was supposed to bring them a decade or two of stability. He delivered almost immediately. The 2002 season saw the Falcons finish with a 9-7 record but on Jan 1, 2003 he brought his team into Green Bay and beat the Packers who hadn’t lost a home playoff game in the history of Lambeau Field (1953 to be exact. To put it in perspective, my mom turned 1 that November). It was historic. After being on the cover of Madden 2004, he broke his leg (in a preseason game?) and missed eleven games. The Falcons finished 5-11. Oh, he’s also in prison as I type this.

So there’s a definite Madden curse going on. All eight of the last cover boys have been affected in some way, be they injuries, a decrease in production or incarcerated. So hopefully Brett “The Jet” can overcome this curse have a great season both for himself and the team. Things still haven’t been right in Jet Land since Joe Namath drunkenly told Suze Kolber “I wanna kiss you”. However, if things are as they seem, here’s my prediction for the 2008 year for Brett Favre

2009: Brett Favre, QB, New York Jets (man that sounds strange)

After a Hall of Fame career, Favre came to the Jets, a team which won four games the previous year. He led them to a blazing 7-2 start, throwing 18 TD’s while being intercepted only 5 times. After their 7^th win however, Favre broke his leg while hailing a taxi in Manhattan, then suffered a severe case of “Nintendo Thumb” while texting his GM on his Blackberry to tell him the news of his broken leg. The Jets finish the season 9-7 and miss the playoffs again. Favre retires finally (again?) and ends an otherwise fine career.

I hope I’m wrong. But it would be really cool if I was right.

Olympics vs Olympics

It’s 2008 and that means it’s an Olympic year and this year it’s the Summer Olympics turn to show off its skills and hopefully generate two weeks of rip roaring competitive excitement not seen since the final days of Charlie Sheen’s divorce from Denise Richards. (Has there ever been a better icon for the bachelors of the world than Charlie Sheen? Really?) The opening ceremonies of the much-hyped and controversial Beijing Games take place Aug 8, and as CBC gets ready to bombard us with “round the clock” coverage over the next two weeks I have to admit, for all its history, sportsmanship, memories and moments, the Summer Games just don’t do it for the SportsOne the way the Winter Games do.

Don’t get me wrong. I thoroughly enjoy watching the Summer Olympics. Who could forget Donovan Bailey, Silken Laumann, Simon Whitefield, Ben Johnson (Oops!), Kerri Strug, Marion Jones (Oops again!) and of course the blonde bomber: Kurt Harnett. Who could forget the everlasting images of the US Olympic gymnastics team leading the fans in what has got to have been the largest mass Macarena dance ever in 1996. (I’m not kidding. This actually happened! Even I can't make this kind of stuff up) I love watching all different events, from swimming to rowing and of course the steeplechase, if for no other reason than I like to see the runners fall in the pool after they hurdle that huge beam. For all its pluses though, it just doesn’t stack up to the magic and new age excitement of the Winter Games.

First of all, the Summer Olympics has far too many events and because there are only a certain number of consecutive hours that even the biggest Olympic fan can watch tv, it is hard to keep track. Remember, I’m the guy who gets up on Sunday morning at 11 to watch NFL countdown, then watches 13 live games from 1-7 and THEN stays tuned for another 3+ hours during highlight shows and the Sunday night football game. By the time it’s all over more than 12 straight hours have been spent sitting watching tv, and if I have trouble following the Summer Olympics imagine how lost others must be. CBC signs off after day 1 and already 20 medals have been awarded. How can this be? Who gets a medal and then is done competing after the first day? Isn’t there supposed to be an agreed upon rule, like in Monopoly where you can’t buy properties the first time around? In the Winter Olympics, nothing happens the first day. In fact, the first three days are usually for qualifying which bring nights worth of drama and excitement to any event. How will Apollo Anton Ohno fare in the semi finals two days from now? Will all those “Dancing With The Stars” practices screw up his legs? Will Pierre Lueders be able to finally beat the Germans in heat 2? Will any of the snowboarders oversleep and have to forfeit their Olympic dreams? These are the burning questions that take a day or two of pondering, and therefore make it that much more compelling.

Speaking of which, with the addition of snowboarding, freestyle skiing and skeleton, the Winter Olympics has suddenly become the “trendy, hip, cool” Olympics while the Summer Games has that “old man in the bar with the whiskey face” feel to them. These events at the Winter Games are a step up from the X Games which despite being around for more than ten years still has that feeling of “ESPN came up with the idea” to a) appeal to younger people and b) pad medal stats for American athletes. (Really, is anyone else floored when they see a Norweigian or German on the medal podium at the X Games??) Meanwhile, the Summer Games have Judo, Boxing, Wrestling and Taekwondo, but no MMA event. What is the holdup? UFC is all over the place!! Who wouldn’t be totally up for the worlds best amateur mixed martial arts fighters taking the ring against each other for the chance to bring home Olympic gold and the chance to be interviewed by the newest CBC intern! I guess they’re trying to be hip by having beach volleyball an Olympic sport, but they already have team volleyball! This would be like the Winter Olympics coming out with a 3 on 3 mini-stick hockey tournament. All in all, the Winter Games is like the new cool micro-brewery while the Summer Games still has that Pabst Blue Ribbon feel to it.
Also, because there are fewer events to cover and fewer people participating, certain events in the Winter Games get magnetized and become riveting at the same time. Throw away events such as Luge and Ski Jumping for instance. The Winter Games are the only venues for events such as these, and because they’re often the only things going on at the time, people tune in. Who could forget Eddie “The Eagle” Edwards in 1988, the man who had never ski jumped a day in his life, going to Calgary with the hopes of landing a jump for mighty Team Great Britain? (The IOC even made up a rule in his honor, stipulating that every one must now qualify for the Olympics and that a country has to have a set number of athletes competing in a said event in the country before anyone can make it to the games.) And the Luge, like it or not, is still a pretty cool event. Just a guy (or two?) going down an icy slope hanging on for dear life. While we’re on the subject, is the Luge the only event where you could conceivably have women competing against men and it wouldn’t change? That would add even more spellbinding excitement. Who knows the gender of the luger until that final moment where they pull off the helmet and voila! It was a woman after all! And there’s always the added chance of someone flying into one of those big stacks of hay they have. These events would get lost in the shuffle if the Winter Games were as big as the Summer Games, much the same way that Fencing and Yachting are completely glossed over. I mean, have you ever willingly watched people yacht?

And how about the fact that the Winter Games has that element of extreme danger facing its athletes all the time. Events such as Bobsled, Skeleton, Luge, and Alpine Skiing all have huge danger factors attached to them, where serious injuries could take place at any moment. Isn’t that the same reason people watch the Daytona 500? To see a giant multi-car crash in turn 4? Limbs can brake, people going flying off the track! These things add depth to any Olympic event. How often have you seen 4 or 5 short track speed skaters desperately trying to get around each other when one of them blows a tire and goes teetering off into the Nikon ad banner? It’s moments like these that keep us coming back for more and the Summer Games just don’t deliver on the same thrill level. I guess a weightlifter could conceivably drop the weight on his foot, but that’s going a little too far, plus there’s always the fact that he could have already won too. No, for sheer adrenaline rushes you have to turn to the winter Olympics. What if a curler fell down while the rock is going toward the house? Can you say “Curling Brawl”? Complete with weapons no less!

The Summer Games also have three events that seem to be absolutely meaningless: Baseball, Tennis and Soccer. As much as I have no doubt that the worlds best water polo and handball players are competing in the Olympics, the same cannot be said about either Baseball or Soccer. In fact, if you were to ask a soccer player where the Olympic gold placed in his “Things to Accomplish This Year” list, it would fall between “pay alimony” and “haircut”. The World Cup and Euro Cup are the biggest national tournaments for nearly every soccer player on earth, which is why they have the Olympic soccer tournament consist of under 23 year olds. To put it in perspective, Nigeria and Cameroon won a double dip for Africa in 1996 and 2000. Baseball also sees its greatest players not playing for their country come Olympic time, which is why Cuba dominates. Not letting most of their players play in the majors in North America allows them to tear into the competition like John Daly into a pack of Ho Hos. Poor Netherlands (a Dutch baseball team???) never had a chance in 2004. (In fact, the IOC agrees. 2012 in London, England will be the last time baseball is played at the Olympics.)

At least the worlds greatest tennis players show up for the Olympics. Unless the country is too filled with top players and then only a certain number get to compete. Or unless you’re like many top ranked players and feel that the Olympics is a hassle in the middle of a busy hard court season to which you withdraw altogether. (This year its Andy Roddick and Richard Gasquet, but the list also includes past champions like Lleyton Hewitt, Andre Agassi and Kim Clijsters) It’s hard for fans to get excited about Olympic tennis when the players don’t. Now hockey on the other hand is a big deal in the Winter Games. They even stop the season right in the middle and cancel the All Star game for the Olympics! It’s a big deal for the players, and that rubs off on the fans as well. They don’t rearrange the hockey season for any other reason. The New Jersey Devils had to start out on the road for almost the first month of the season last year because Bon Jovi wanted to play TEN straight concerts at the team’s arena!! Yet they do it for the Olympics and why? Because the Winter Games matter to the best players on earth who play it, unlike the Summer Games.

I’m not saying for an instant that nobody cares about the Summer Games. They’re one of the biggest television draws in the world and everybody remembers something captivating about an event or story that has happened at the Olympiad. It’s just that for me, the Winter Olympics hold a little more water and create a little more excitement. Plus they’re way easier to follow. Below is a list of a few more reasons the winter games beats out the summer games

1) The summer games anti-nordic country bias.

2) The always compelling and exciting “Canada vs the Far East” in short track speed skating.

3) Hockey is in the Winter Olympics, 1920 not withstanding.

4) A recreation sport (ping pong) somehow found its way into the Summer Olympics. I propose a Magic Carpet downhill time/style points race at the 2010 games in Vancouver!

5) Figure skaters are generally cuter and more legal than gymnasts. Even Roman Polanski would pick Sasha Cohen.

6) You just know all the weightlifters have been in touch with their country’s version of Brian McNamee and are all on legal versions of HGH.

7) The Winter Olympics is the only Olympics where a gold medal winning athlete has tested positive for weed.

8) Three words: Men’s floor exercise.

9) Lindsay Jacbellis participates in the Winter Games. (Maybe this one needs a breakdown. In 2006 Lindsay Jacobellis, during the gold medal race in snowboarding, had a substantial lead heading into the final 100m or so. Instead of simply coasting to the finish line and collecting her medal, she inexplicably attempted a hot-dog move on the second to last jump, falling down and allowing Switzerland’s Tanja Frieden to overtake her. Lindsay fell to 2^nd place and accepted the silver medal. This doesn’t happen anywhere else but in the Winter Games! This would be like a marathon runner, knowing he’s about to win with 50 meters to go, turning around and running backwards and then falling like Charles Barkley did during his famous race against referee Dick Bavetta during the 2007 NBA All Star weekend! It’s just one great story after another!)

10) 3 of the 4 coolest events in the entire Olympics are in the Winter Games. In no particular order: downhill skiing, aerials, and skeleton. 100m dash is the fourth.

11) The winter Olympics have been held in a city that has the same first name as a brand of beer. Sapporo, Japan in 1972. God help us if Milwaukee ever gets to host the summer games.

12) The winter Olympics now has a mortal enemy. Marie-Reine Le Gougne: The evil French judge.

And the last reason the Winter Olympics is greater than the summer Olympics:

13) I dare you to find an Olympic champion with a cooler or more menacing sounding name than speed skater Johann Olav Koss. The fact that he is from Norway just compounds it. You can just picture the Viking horns!

Either way, I along with you will be watching closely as our athletes attempt to bring home a medal and with that honor for themselves and our great nation. I just wish it was winter again.

On a side note, Canada’s water polo team FINALLY made it to the Olympics! Make sure you tune in Saturday night at 8:30pm! Spain can’t be good at everything you know!