Olympics vs Olympics

It’s 2008 and that means it’s an Olympic year and this year it’s the Summer Olympics turn to show off its skills and hopefully generate two weeks of rip roaring competitive excitement not seen since the final days of Charlie Sheen’s divorce from Denise Richards. (Has there ever been a better icon for the bachelors of the world than Charlie Sheen? Really?) The opening ceremonies of the much-hyped and controversial Beijing Games take place Aug 8, and as CBC gets ready to bombard us with “round the clock” coverage over the next two weeks I have to admit, for all its history, sportsmanship, memories and moments, the Summer Games just don’t do it for the SportsOne the way the Winter Games do.

Don’t get me wrong. I thoroughly enjoy watching the Summer Olympics. Who could forget Donovan Bailey, Silken Laumann, Simon Whitefield, Ben Johnson (Oops!), Kerri Strug, Marion Jones (Oops again!) and of course the blonde bomber: Kurt Harnett. Who could forget the everlasting images of the US Olympic gymnastics team leading the fans in what has got to have been the largest mass Macarena dance ever in 1996. (I’m not kidding. This actually happened! Even I can't make this kind of stuff up) I love watching all different events, from swimming to rowing and of course the steeplechase, if for no other reason than I like to see the runners fall in the pool after they hurdle that huge beam. For all its pluses though, it just doesn’t stack up to the magic and new age excitement of the Winter Games.

First of all, the Summer Olympics has far too many events and because there are only a certain number of consecutive hours that even the biggest Olympic fan can watch tv, it is hard to keep track. Remember, I’m the guy who gets up on Sunday morning at 11 to watch NFL countdown, then watches 13 live games from 1-7 and THEN stays tuned for another 3+ hours during highlight shows and the Sunday night football game. By the time it’s all over more than 12 straight hours have been spent sitting watching tv, and if I have trouble following the Summer Olympics imagine how lost others must be. CBC signs off after day 1 and already 20 medals have been awarded. How can this be? Who gets a medal and then is done competing after the first day? Isn’t there supposed to be an agreed upon rule, like in Monopoly where you can’t buy properties the first time around? In the Winter Olympics, nothing happens the first day. In fact, the first three days are usually for qualifying which bring nights worth of drama and excitement to any event. How will Apollo Anton Ohno fare in the semi finals two days from now? Will all those “Dancing With The Stars” practices screw up his legs? Will Pierre Lueders be able to finally beat the Germans in heat 2? Will any of the snowboarders oversleep and have to forfeit their Olympic dreams? These are the burning questions that take a day or two of pondering, and therefore make it that much more compelling.

Speaking of which, with the addition of snowboarding, freestyle skiing and skeleton, the Winter Olympics has suddenly become the “trendy, hip, cool” Olympics while the Summer Games has that “old man in the bar with the whiskey face” feel to them. These events at the Winter Games are a step up from the X Games which despite being around for more than ten years still has that feeling of “ESPN came up with the idea” to a) appeal to younger people and b) pad medal stats for American athletes. (Really, is anyone else floored when they see a Norweigian or German on the medal podium at the X Games??) Meanwhile, the Summer Games have Judo, Boxing, Wrestling and Taekwondo, but no MMA event. What is the holdup? UFC is all over the place!! Who wouldn’t be totally up for the worlds best amateur mixed martial arts fighters taking the ring against each other for the chance to bring home Olympic gold and the chance to be interviewed by the newest CBC intern! I guess they’re trying to be hip by having beach volleyball an Olympic sport, but they already have team volleyball! This would be like the Winter Olympics coming out with a 3 on 3 mini-stick hockey tournament. All in all, the Winter Games is like the new cool micro-brewery while the Summer Games still has that Pabst Blue Ribbon feel to it.
Also, because there are fewer events to cover and fewer people participating, certain events in the Winter Games get magnetized and become riveting at the same time. Throw away events such as Luge and Ski Jumping for instance. The Winter Games are the only venues for events such as these, and because they’re often the only things going on at the time, people tune in. Who could forget Eddie “The Eagle” Edwards in 1988, the man who had never ski jumped a day in his life, going to Calgary with the hopes of landing a jump for mighty Team Great Britain? (The IOC even made up a rule in his honor, stipulating that every one must now qualify for the Olympics and that a country has to have a set number of athletes competing in a said event in the country before anyone can make it to the games.) And the Luge, like it or not, is still a pretty cool event. Just a guy (or two?) going down an icy slope hanging on for dear life. While we’re on the subject, is the Luge the only event where you could conceivably have women competing against men and it wouldn’t change? That would add even more spellbinding excitement. Who knows the gender of the luger until that final moment where they pull off the helmet and voila! It was a woman after all! And there’s always the added chance of someone flying into one of those big stacks of hay they have. These events would get lost in the shuffle if the Winter Games were as big as the Summer Games, much the same way that Fencing and Yachting are completely glossed over. I mean, have you ever willingly watched people yacht?

And how about the fact that the Winter Games has that element of extreme danger facing its athletes all the time. Events such as Bobsled, Skeleton, Luge, and Alpine Skiing all have huge danger factors attached to them, where serious injuries could take place at any moment. Isn’t that the same reason people watch the Daytona 500? To see a giant multi-car crash in turn 4? Limbs can brake, people going flying off the track! These things add depth to any Olympic event. How often have you seen 4 or 5 short track speed skaters desperately trying to get around each other when one of them blows a tire and goes teetering off into the Nikon ad banner? It’s moments like these that keep us coming back for more and the Summer Games just don’t deliver on the same thrill level. I guess a weightlifter could conceivably drop the weight on his foot, but that’s going a little too far, plus there’s always the fact that he could have already won too. No, for sheer adrenaline rushes you have to turn to the winter Olympics. What if a curler fell down while the rock is going toward the house? Can you say “Curling Brawl”? Complete with weapons no less!

The Summer Games also have three events that seem to be absolutely meaningless: Baseball, Tennis and Soccer. As much as I have no doubt that the worlds best water polo and handball players are competing in the Olympics, the same cannot be said about either Baseball or Soccer. In fact, if you were to ask a soccer player where the Olympic gold placed in his “Things to Accomplish This Year” list, it would fall between “pay alimony” and “haircut”. The World Cup and Euro Cup are the biggest national tournaments for nearly every soccer player on earth, which is why they have the Olympic soccer tournament consist of under 23 year olds. To put it in perspective, Nigeria and Cameroon won a double dip for Africa in 1996 and 2000. Baseball also sees its greatest players not playing for their country come Olympic time, which is why Cuba dominates. Not letting most of their players play in the majors in North America allows them to tear into the competition like John Daly into a pack of Ho Hos. Poor Netherlands (a Dutch baseball team???) never had a chance in 2004. (In fact, the IOC agrees. 2012 in London, England will be the last time baseball is played at the Olympics.)

At least the worlds greatest tennis players show up for the Olympics. Unless the country is too filled with top players and then only a certain number get to compete. Or unless you’re like many top ranked players and feel that the Olympics is a hassle in the middle of a busy hard court season to which you withdraw altogether. (This year its Andy Roddick and Richard Gasquet, but the list also includes past champions like Lleyton Hewitt, Andre Agassi and Kim Clijsters) It’s hard for fans to get excited about Olympic tennis when the players don’t. Now hockey on the other hand is a big deal in the Winter Games. They even stop the season right in the middle and cancel the All Star game for the Olympics! It’s a big deal for the players, and that rubs off on the fans as well. They don’t rearrange the hockey season for any other reason. The New Jersey Devils had to start out on the road for almost the first month of the season last year because Bon Jovi wanted to play TEN straight concerts at the team’s arena!! Yet they do it for the Olympics and why? Because the Winter Games matter to the best players on earth who play it, unlike the Summer Games.

I’m not saying for an instant that nobody cares about the Summer Games. They’re one of the biggest television draws in the world and everybody remembers something captivating about an event or story that has happened at the Olympiad. It’s just that for me, the Winter Olympics hold a little more water and create a little more excitement. Plus they’re way easier to follow. Below is a list of a few more reasons the winter games beats out the summer games

1) The summer games anti-nordic country bias.

2) The always compelling and exciting “Canada vs the Far East” in short track speed skating.

3) Hockey is in the Winter Olympics, 1920 not withstanding.

4) A recreation sport (ping pong) somehow found its way into the Summer Olympics. I propose a Magic Carpet downhill time/style points race at the 2010 games in Vancouver!

5) Figure skaters are generally cuter and more legal than gymnasts. Even Roman Polanski would pick Sasha Cohen.

6) You just know all the weightlifters have been in touch with their country’s version of Brian McNamee and are all on legal versions of HGH.

7) The Winter Olympics is the only Olympics where a gold medal winning athlete has tested positive for weed.

8) Three words: Men’s floor exercise.

9) Lindsay Jacbellis participates in the Winter Games. (Maybe this one needs a breakdown. In 2006 Lindsay Jacobellis, during the gold medal race in snowboarding, had a substantial lead heading into the final 100m or so. Instead of simply coasting to the finish line and collecting her medal, she inexplicably attempted a hot-dog move on the second to last jump, falling down and allowing Switzerland’s Tanja Frieden to overtake her. Lindsay fell to 2^nd place and accepted the silver medal. This doesn’t happen anywhere else but in the Winter Games! This would be like a marathon runner, knowing he’s about to win with 50 meters to go, turning around and running backwards and then falling like Charles Barkley did during his famous race against referee Dick Bavetta during the 2007 NBA All Star weekend! It’s just one great story after another!)

10) 3 of the 4 coolest events in the entire Olympics are in the Winter Games. In no particular order: downhill skiing, aerials, and skeleton. 100m dash is the fourth.

11) The winter Olympics have been held in a city that has the same first name as a brand of beer. Sapporo, Japan in 1972. God help us if Milwaukee ever gets to host the summer games.

12) The winter Olympics now has a mortal enemy. Marie-Reine Le Gougne: The evil French judge.

And the last reason the Winter Olympics is greater than the summer Olympics:

13) I dare you to find an Olympic champion with a cooler or more menacing sounding name than speed skater Johann Olav Koss. The fact that he is from Norway just compounds it. You can just picture the Viking horns!

Either way, I along with you will be watching closely as our athletes attempt to bring home a medal and with that honor for themselves and our great nation. I just wish it was winter again.

On a side note, Canada’s water polo team FINALLY made it to the Olympics! Make sure you tune in Saturday night at 8:30pm! Spain can’t be good at everything you know!