Mini Column and NFL week 3!

I had the plate. I was ready. I’ve only ever tossed a plate at the TV once (in early 1997 when Jacksonville scored another TD to make it 30-19 after Denver had finished 13-3 and was poised to make a Super Bowl run. That plate, much like the Broncos that afternoon, crashed into a hundred pieces, some of which I’m certain are embedded into my parents basement carpet, so wear your slippers Jordan) but was very close to making it two ceramic discs if Denver did not convert that two point conversion last Sunday. I understand Mike Shanahan’s thinking. “Hey, we should’ve already lost this game (totally a botched call by Hoculi, oh well) we’re playing with house money right now, the Chargers have no time outs left, so they’ll be unprepared for this, so lets go for it and run the exact same play we just scored on.” I do no know at what moment I released the plate from my hands, but I do now it has survived and is in the cupboard with his brothers.

Denver missing that two point conversion would have been the ending to what was a disastrous week 2 for the SportsOne. My fantasy team (The Trampoline Bear) was trounced by a guy who had three Dallas Cowboys players on Monday night (I had one) and therefore I was the Jenna Jameson to his Evan Stone (Tony Romo), Lexington Steele (Terrell Owens) and Obscure Guy #3 who’d just be happy to be in on the fun. (Nick Folk). Both of my Pro-Line tickets went for naught after New Orleans couldn’t get it done in the fourth quarter, and Arizona all of a sudden could not stop Miami from breaking the under. So at least Denver getting a horrible call in their favour and beating down San Diego into the bottom of the division with Kansas City was something to be happy about. Also, now that Ed Hochuli has been “downgraded” and might not referee anymore this year, is it too late to promote ACC ref Ron Cherry? (Arguably the greatest personal foul explanation of all time!)

There were so many things happening this off week, let’s just get right to the picks. Home teams as always are in CAPS

FALCONS (-5.5) vs Chiefs

Hands up if you had both the Falcons AND U of T being 2-1 after week 3? Yeah me neither. Herm Edwards is somehow still coaching in the NFL in Kansas City. At least Oakland and St. Louis have Lane Kiffin and Scott Linehan, both of whom are adequately placed, but people are shocked when they hear that Edwards is still in Kansas City. It seems like he should have left (got fired) long ago. In the immortal words of Chief Wiggum when his tie got stuck in the hot dog rollers “Oh God, this is gonna get worse before it gets better.”

BILLS (-9) vs Raiders

The Bills walked into Jacksonville and beat the Jags sending them to 2-0 and on top of the AFC East along with

New England. Both the Pats and the Bills have almost the exact same schedule and obviously play each other twice, one in Week 10 in New England and then in week 17 in Buffalo. The way they’re playing and the cookie cutter schedule in front of them, it’s possible they could be 8-0 for that Week 10 clash. On the flip side, I love how Lane Kiffin fire watch is like a daily event now. It hasn’t been this good since good ol’ JFJ!

TITANS (-5) vs Texans

There are zero away favourites this week which is odd, considering usually one or two squeak by. Not much is known about this Texan team, who had their bye week last week because of Hurricane Ike Turner. Meanwhile, the best thing to have happened to this Tennessee team is Kerry Collins. I’m about to sound like Joe Theisman now. “He just knows how to play QB.” Sometimes just saying it like it is gets the job done. All of a sudden the Titans are about to go to 3-0 while the Jags and Colts will battle and could both be 1-2. Maybe 2008 really IS the year of the moustache! Take the Titans to cover at home.

Bengals (+13.5) vs GIANTS

The Giants mercifully beat the Rams in St Louis last weekend but remember it was a 7 point game until the Rams remembered they want the No 1 overall pick next April. The G-Men are still the 3^rd best team in their own division however, and I’m not picking the Bungles to win this one, but 13.5 is a ton of points and I still think Palmer is due for a good game. Meanwhile TJ Houshmanzadeh has become maybe the worst fantasy pick of the year, it actually makes me wanna bench him. There, done! Go Trampoline Bear!

REDSKINS (-3) vs Cardinals

As previously mentioned, the Cards screwed me last week by being unable to stop Miami’s run and gun offence late in the 4^th quarter. Considering that Washington was able to stop the Saints when they had to last week, and the face that Arizona hasn’t beaten the Skins in DC since Willie Aames was cool (was he ever really cool though?) leads me to believe that Jason Campbell and company can get it done. (Although part of me is really REALLY hoping the Cards can continue to score and blow opponents out. The Greatest Show on Turf 2 would be upon us, with only Warner being the constant. It would be like when Saved By The Bell returned and only Screech was left! Ok maybe not as cool as that but still, it would be great to see is all I’m saying)

Dolphins (+12.5) vs NEW ENGLAND

I’m curious as to what the line would be if the Pats were 2-0 and still had Tom Brady at QB. Would it be like those college football lines where LSU is favoured by 33 over Ball State? I really don’t think the Pats are going to blow anyone out this year; I don’t think they’re going to miss the playoffs but I see a lot of well played 20-14 type games in their future and this is one of them. Oh, and Randy Moss tantrum watch is officially on!

Bucs (+3) vs BEARS

Ooo. Can you feel the excitement? It’s Ex-Bear Brian Griese against the man who stole his job: Kyle Orton. Or as I would put it: Sunday we’re about to answer the question of “KY vs Griese”. I still don’t think the Bears are anything better than a six win team and Tampa, much like New England are decent enough as long as someone competent is playing under the center. Bucs to win on the road.

Panthers (+3) vs VIKINGS

My NFL magazine states that “Gus Frerotte is the best backup option the Vikings have had in 3 years”. Anytime a preview mag goes out of its way to mention the backup QB you know the guy starting has problems. Why didn’t we all see this coming? Adrian Peterson might get to 1000 yards by week 7 and Minnesota might start 0-5. Seriously, after this they’re at Tennesee and at New Orleans. Carolina meanwhile gets Steve Smith back this week so give them a puncher’s chance. (Get it? Steve Smith? Puncher’s? Har har har)

Rams (+9) vs SEAHAWKS

So let me get this straight. The Hawks were favored by 7 against the 49ers and lost, so now they’re favoured by 9 against albeit a worse team in the Rams? I don’t for a minute think the Rams will come out of soggy Seattle 1-2, but remember before the wheels fell off in the 4^th against the Giants last week they were only down 7. Seattle on the other hand hasn’t been able to stop anyone from scoring on them. Seattle is really on the verge of becoming a full blown Siberia of American sports. The basketball team relocated, there’s no college football to really get excited about, both their NFL and MLB teams are light years away from anything else in the league and they have weather unlike that of anywhere else in the country. Oh and that futuristic monorail. To think, everyone wanted to move there in 1991.

49ERS (-4.5) vs Lions

½ price wings at JT O’Sullivans! That’d be pretty much the only reason to watch this game. The Niners however, are on the verge of being over .500 for what will be the only time this season (@NO, vs NE and @Phi are coming up). I’m waiting for the NFL to mysteriously delete all remnants of Detroit’s 6-2 start last year, because let’s face it: It didn’t really happen did it? It was like New Jersey’s first Stanley Cup, it just didn’t happen. Lions fall to 0-3 and Matt Millen begins preparation on another WR draft pick.

Saints (+5.5) vs BRONCOS

The over/under on this game is 51. In my opinion that’s not nearly high enough because this game could be 48-46 by the end of it. I like the Broncos to win the game outright because they’re playing at home and Mike Shanahan has probably been drilling his team all week that they should really be 1-1, but 5.5 is huge for a game that will go back and fourth like this, so I’m taking the Saints with the points. My buddy Jared is the only Saints fan I know, and if the Saints win this game I’ll be hearing about it all week so let’s get some pregame revenge started shall we? Good luck on Sunday Jared.

EAGLES (-3.5) vs Steelers

This one could be a huge game. We have two of the most underrated QBs in the league (Rothlisberger, who most fantasy guys had 6^th on the depth chart, and McNabb who even I thought was done), two of the best RBs in the league (Westbrook and Parker) and both teams have above average receivers. The Eagles are smarting from letting that game in Dallas get away from them on Monday. Pittsburgh meanwhile seemed happy just to make out of Cleveland (I remember being very happy when I left Cleveland too). They did not play well. Take Philly to cover.

Jaguars (+4.5) vs COLTS

Neither team has looked good this year. Neither of these teams appear to be able to run the ball. Joseph Addai who was a breakout star last year is on pace for Tim Biakabutuka numbers and Manning has been getting lots of “manning face” time already and we’re only week 3 in. This game should be close, so I’m taking the Jags with the points although with the Titans getting Houston this week, this is a huge game for both teams. A Jax loss pretty much ends it for them at 0-3. I see that coming.

Browns (+3) vs RAVENS

Cleveland is in full blown panic mode. The sexy pick (I picked them too) to do some damage in the AFC is at risk and with Cincinnati next week have a chance to be 2-2 going into their bye week. Two weeks ago Baltimore played well enough to win against the aforementioned Bengals but the Browns offence is better than Cincinnati’s, so with all things considered I think Cleveland needs this game more than Baltimore and sneaks out with a win. On the flip side, how about both of the in-teams to make playoff runs this year being 0-3 to start? There was easily as much hype about both the Browns and Jags at the beginning of the season as there was of the sitcom Joey, wasn’t there? No? Ok then.

PACKERS (-3) vs Cowboys

Why is every game a 3 point spread this week? This is the fifth 3 and we also had a 3.5. This is the only one I’m very uneasy about. I think the Cowboys are the better team, but they’re on a short week and playing in Green Bay and the love affair with Aaron Rodgers keeps getting bigger and bigger. On another note, this game runs concurrently with the Primetime Emmy’s, which I’ll be having in my PIP just to see if Jon Hamm gets his due. There’s a legitimate man-crush forming on the lead from Mad Men. It’s not a Rafa status yet, but it’s closing in on Ovechkin country.

Jets (+9) vs CHARGERS

The Chargers will win this game. The Jets however will be in the game and won’t lose by double digits. The biggest question is whether or not LT will be able to do any rushing with that bad foot. He hasn’t looked good all year and has so far been upstaged by Darren Sproles (370 all purpose yards last week?!). All I know is that Brett Favre loves playing on Monday Night Football and will be very anxious to make up for last week. The Chargers also can’t afford to go 0-3 and look for Norv Turner to storm the field if an interference call goes against him late. (This HAS to happen doesn’t it? Favre gets every call anyways, and it’s SD! I’m really rooting for this.)

Last Week: 6-9

Season: 16-15