Hey everyone, did you hear someone got fired this week? Let’s get to some rants and raves and most importantly some links! Then maybe some NFL picks if I have time. I was chatting with my good buddy Noah this week, and we were discussing just what SNL will or might do after Amy Poehler leaves after the presidential election. Not only will there only be two females left on the show, (one of which is Kristen Wiig who might just be the funniest person to ever be on the show. Check it out.) but it also leaves a huge whole in the Weekend Update realm.
We spent a few minutes dissecting the possibilities that Seth Meyers could do it on his own, like this guy or this guy but quickly dismissed that theory because as Noah put it “he’s too much of a straight guy” which is true. He doesn’t have what it takes to be the one, and could inadvertently turn into a frog if left by his lonesome. So what to do? Then we came with the perfect situation: Have the other stars do it with him, but in their recurring characters. Not only would it give Lorne Michaels the rest of the year to find someone who could do it with him (and enough time to see if Amy’s new show bombs and desperately wants her old job back this spring) but it would also give fans the chance to see their favourite characters more often and the actors a chance to show off their skills. Imagine watching Weekend Update with Seth Meyers and the Two A-holes. “Ready to do some news babe? Ready to news it up babe? Babe? The news? Ready to read some news babe?” “Yaaaaaaa.” In other words, perfect. Plus there’s the added bonus of Darrell Hammond doing his Dan Rather impression while actually reading news jokes. It wouldn’t compare to this mind you, but still it’d be interesting to see!
Now that that’s out of the way, it’s time for the fall edition of the links. As always, these are links that people have sent, so if you have one, send it on over.
First of all, there’s nothing funnier than a guy in a suit going off on a rampage. The suit adds so much dignity, and then the dude begins to slowly decompose right before your eyes, it can’t be topped. Ok that’s not completely true. But this guy is almost the epitome of what I’m talking about. Bow to the pissed off RV Salesman. Thanks to Geoff in
Earlier this week I referenced a Price Is Right clip when talking about Isaiah Thomas, (I with I could have gotten that old Family Feud clip where Ray Coombs asks the guy at what month does a pregnant woman begin to show and he answered “September”. Classic Idiocy!) which got me thinking about the greatest PIR clip I’ve ever seen. The fact that it’s short puts it over the top. Think about it. Isn’t this what YOU would do with your best buddy if you got seats right here??
We have reached the point where the hour between the end of the late afternoon NFL games and the start of the Sunday Night Game is almost unwatchable. It’s like American Pie or American Pie 2. I would put those two movies in the “most dated and totally unwatchable movies of the 90s” category. (and it came out in 1999. That’s only 9 years! Has any movie ever reached this status so fast?) First of all, you can’t look at a pre-cocaine Tara Reid and buy the fact she’s never had sex. You just can’t. Secondly and most importantly, and I’ve done a complete 180 on this point, the fact that they used actors who were more or less the right age for the parts just adds to the un-watchability. I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s the one things Grease got right in the 70s. They used actors who were HORRIBLY too old but because we, them and everyone in between knew, nobody bought into the movie too seriously. With AP, they went for realism and now that the actors have grown up and either blown up, or bottomed out to which the only logical step left is a semi successful gonzo porn career, you just don’t buy into anything anymore. Plus kids have so much access to the internet now that any guy not knowing about third base by the age of 18 is laughable. Sorry, either way. I just wanted to say the Sunday Night Football highlight show is terrible. On the plus side, you can always listen to these as they show highlights and pretend you’re back in the good old days of 2005!
Well it took until the final month of its existence, but the greatest thing ever recorded at Shea Stadium was released to the internet last week. It’s a fitting end to the utter misery that is the Shea. On the other hand, this is just brilliant. This just goes to show that even when a team is free-falling out of 1st place (again this year!) that some fans still know how to have a good time. Oh, and just for good measure, let’s post the greatest recreation of anything that ever happened at Shea Stadium. (Three cheers for Marty Barrett!!) Let’s give Shea its due!
I have nothing to say about this clip except it’s my favourite Conan O’Brien sketch of all time. I can’t believe it’s still around since it happened over 8 years ago, but it’s going to be really interesting when he takes over from that door stop NBC has working for them now. Very interesting indeed. Enjoy.
There’s a few things in this world that really can keep a person’s attention at the computer. (Porn, sports, shopping, chatting, that’s the list) This is another one. In or about 2001, my buddy Jeff and me were at visiting my cousin and her now husband and he turned us onto this game called The Romp. It was the most addictive thing I’d ever played and I grew up with Super Mario Kart battle mode. It’s been 6 years and could never find it again but here it is. Anyone familiar with Choose Your Own Adventure games will know exactly what to do here.
And now the greatest YouTube video ever created. Do not be intimidated by its length.
Now on to Week 4!
Broncos (-9.5) vs CHIEFS
Everything is going right for my Broncos this year. They’re getting every call, every late FG miss, and every gutsy play is going in their favour (I’m totally expecting Jay Cutler to announce he’s dating Rihanna, or at least Ciara, she needs a comeback doesn’t she?) The Chiefs on the other hand have pulled out all the stops and are starting Damon Huard (Yes, he’s still in the league) this weekend. Somebody give Culpepper a hanky. Please.
BENGALS (-3.5) vs Browns
Once again, I’ve been had. The Browns are going to start 0-4 this year and the way things are going it could be week 11 before they get their first win. And I had them winning the AFC North! The Bengals actually played well last week (Houshmanzadeh finally had a good game while sitting on my bench. Thanks again TJ) and were definitely in position to steal one at Giants Stadium. Of all the 0-3 teams right now, they look the best. Also, I’m really hoping Cinco continues to put up garbage stats, I really want to see him in the CFL. Imagine what his TD celebrations would be like in a league where this is allowed.
JAGUARS (-7) vs Texans
JETS (-1) vs Cardinals
Brett Favre still has that nasty habit of pulling Keith Hernandez moments during games. He feels pressure, scrambles a bit and then throws a pass into triple coverage and it gets intercepted. The reason? Because he’s Brett Favre. The combined age of the starting QBs on Sunday is 77. I’m taking the elder QB who has 50% more MVP’s do his credit. Have we reached the point where the NFL MVP has been rendered meaningless? Favre has 3. Kurt Warner has 2 and everyone forgets how great he was for those 3 seasons. (Kind of like Ally McBeal. Oh wait, nevermind that show was horrible. Dancing baby…shudders)
SAINTS (-4.5) vs 49ers
Only 4.5 points for the Saints? Seriously? We really expect JT O’Sullivan to throw up and down the field in the Superdome? I’m betting on the no factor. Also, Jeremy Shockey is out and don’t forget how much better the Giants played when he was hurt last winter. (Something about a Super Bowl win, I don’t remember because I still refuse to believe they won. Sorry Ryan and wait, the other guy I know who likes the Giants is named Ryan. Something fishy going on here.) Meanwhile, does anyone know if the Saints have contacted 64 year old Morten Andersen yet?
PANTHERS (-6.5) vs Falcons
As much as I have liked what I’ve seen from the team I picked to have a chance to be 0-16, they still haven’t beaten anyone of any value. Just like my U of T Blues. End the longest losing streak Canadian football has ever seen by beating Waterloo (haha Jared) and then spank York (haha Vlad and about 20 other people I know) then play someone who’s good like UWO and get blown out 70-1. (I just for once would like to hear the post game team meeting where the UWO coach berates his team for allowing a rouge. Please someone video that) I just don’t see them going into
TITANS (-3) vs Vikings
Ooo, this should be a good one. Frerotte vs Collins. Two over the hill white QBs who have taken the ranks after their respective teams versions of Michael Vick. (just the playing style, not the illegal stuff like the weed smoking or dog fighting, although that would be something) I’m picking Collins here, because he’s just not quite as over the hill just yet, and c’mon, you know I never bet against the mustache. On a side note, last week’s Tennessee/Houston game is precisely why I love gambling on football. The over/under was 41.5, and the score was 24-12 with about a minute left.
BUCS (-1) vs Packers
Bills (-9) vs RAMS
For the second week in a row, the Rams get a national televised game in
CHARGERS (-7.5) vs Raiders
Wow. The beatdown last Monday night was like that angry guy in the bar (the Chargers) who’s girlfriend is off with some other dude (Ed Hochuli) and he just takes it out on the first guy who looks at him crooked (the Jets). Dare we say the Chargers are back? Also, that sound you heard was all the fantasy owners who picked 1st overall and took LT smashing their heads into the coffee table because Darren Sproles (who most of us picked up last week) is about to win more fantasy points than LT this year. The Lane Kiffen fire watch continues. If Millen can go, anyone can go. Even you Lane.
REDSKINS (+11) vs Cowboys
I got mugged on Tuesday night near a pub near my house. The guy who did it wanted my Ipod so I gave it to
him, not before getting pushed and thrown into a wall hitting my head. Before I knew it, these two off duty cops who were just having a few pints on the patio caught him, cuffed him and I got my Ipod back right away. I’m only mentioning this here because that hit on my head HAS to be the reason I’m picking
BEARS (+3) vs Eagles
I got mugged on Tuesday night. Wait I used that excuse. The Eagles defence looked retardedly scary last week. Every time I tuned in I saw Rothlesberger on his behind. That being said, there’s just something about this Bears team that I like. I’m not sure what it is. They still have the defence to win ball games, and you know Lovie Smith gave them an earful about throwing the lead away late. I didn’t think the Bears would beat Indy in prime time. Like the President says: Fool me once, shame on you. Your not gonna get fooled again.
STEELERS (-5) vs Ravens
Joe Flacco (who is rapidly becoming the best non-sports bar sounding QB name in the league) takes his show to
Last Week: 10-6
Season: 26-21
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