NHL Fantasy 101: Improvements and NFL Week 8!!

We had our annual NBA Fantasy draft this week (I say annual because the other 11 guys apparently have been in this league for years and wanted me to join this time around for the first time) and it got me thinking about how come I’m not in an NHL Fantasy league this year. It’s weird. I should be in one. I thought maybe it was because Facebook’s fantasy hockey league was not nearly as sophisticated as their football league. Then I looked around. Almost all of the fantasy hockey leagues (ESPN, NHL.com, Yahoo etc) were identical. They’re all just about goals, assists, PIMs and boring goalie stats like wins and losses with the occasional extra points for a shutout. Seriously? This is how far we’ve come in the fantasy hockey realm? Something needs to be done to get fantasy hockey into the 21^st century. It got me thinking about all the so-called meaningless stats that have crept into our everyday stat vocabulary over the last 10-15 years: like Plus/Minus.

That stat wasn’t counted nearly as heavily fifteen years ago as it is now. People knew about it, but it didn’t make or break how good a player you were like it does now. Like in baseball, it used to be the two biggest stats for pitchers and batters were ERA and batting average. Now it’s WHIP (walks/hits per innings pitched) and OBP (on base percentage). You won’t listen to any baseball analyst talk about a player with out bringing those two stats up, just like they all talk about plus/minus and save percentage now in hockey. The hockey world is different now my friends and with that I bring you the SportsOne’s ultimate fantasy hockey program. All kinds of stats will be used and weighted to different degrees. Not all stats will be created equal and some will allow your fantasy team to remain competitive if your players are having off nights. But first some ground rules as to how this league would actually operate.

First of all, set the limit of available players for any given week to nine. Each team would consist of three forwards, two defencemen, and a goalie. All points are added up and the most total points wins the game for each fantasy week. There would also be three “independent” players; players who are not locked in to any position. This could be another goalie, or forward or whatever. But obviously, once the player is locked in he cannot be substituted for that week. At the end of the given week (Saturday is probably best) all the points are added together and which ever team has the most wins the game. It’s going to be a tiny bit more complicated than just adding goals, assists and PIMs. Let’s delve further.

For this particular column, I have chosen two players who for the week of October 12-18 played the same amount of games (three) and had the same amount of goals (two), assists (two) and penalty minutes (zero). They are also players that most people would probably have on their fantasy team, picked somewhere in the 4^th or early 5^th rounds. These two guys are solid players, but definitely not superstars by any means. Their names are Patrick Kane and Brad Boyes. They’re both forwards and could easily start either in your top three or as part of your independent category.

Under the current fantasy system, both players would be credited with four points and zero PIMs; which makes things more than a little dull. Under the new SportsOne fantasy system different statistical things are given different points. Goals, assists, PIMs etc. First things first: make goals and assists count differently in the fantasy points standings. In fantasy football a throwing TD is worth less than a rushing TD or receiving TD, which is why running backs are usually coveted first. They’re going to get the most opportunities to get touchdowns which count for the most points, so why not put that into hockey too? I’m not talking about goals counting for double the points or anything, but changing it just a tad would add a different dynamic to the way we research fantasy players. Just like in football you would rather have a 1200/13TD rusher than a 1400/5TD rusher; in hockey you would rather covet a 45/25 forward than a 20/60 forward. (Actually it wouldn’t matter, because there are so many stats that for some reason aren’t counted in fantasy hockey right now, which we’ll get into in a little bit)

First things first: Goals are worth five points, assists three points and PIMs one point for each minute. (Suddenly having Iginla on your team as a fighter looks pretty good right now; it’s not called the Gordie Howe hat trick for nothing) Goals and assists are the two biggest contributions a player can make for his team offensively, so it makes sense that these two things get the highest number of points. Plus, with each goal it is possible to have two players get an assist, so there are always more assists floating around the league than goals. Only one player gets the goal, so let have him get more of the spoils; just for fantasy purposes. Last season unquestionably the biggest fantasy goal/assist player would have been Ovechkin (he won the Art Ross anyway but his 65 goals would have obliterated anyone else in this league; it wouldn’t have been close) Setting the goals and assists at five and three respectively sets up the draft pretty much as it is now, meaning if you want to win you need players who are going to get points. Last week Boyes and Kane each had two of each, and so far they stand at 16 points apiece.

New idea No 2: a Bonus Point for power play goals (just goals), game winning goals (in regulation or overtime) AND game winning shootout goals (only if your player scores the shootout goal that actually wins the game, not clinches the game). Power play and game winning goals are a stat like any other, so why not incorporate them into the world of fantasy hockey? This would put emphasis on players who come through in clutch times, and also are heavy power play guys. The real X-factor would be the shootouts. Like it or not, shootouts are exciting ways to end a tie game and are part of the game now, so it’s time to bring shootout results into the realm of fantasy hockey. Out of our two example players last week, Kane was shut out on the power play, had no GWG’s and did not register a shootout game winner. Boyes on the other hand had a power play goal and his goal against Toronto in the shootout was the game winner for the Blues, so give him two extra points for his efforts. All of a sudden instead of having two players who are worth the same stock in the fantasy world are separated by two. Boyes leads 18-16, with a few more categories to go.

Fantasy stat No 3: Plus/Minus. Plus counts for two points, a minus is negative one point. This is key because so often a player is even or only one over or under for the week. By making the plus count for two, all of a sudden a player having a crazy week and finish at +6 is extremely lucrative. The twelve points could make or break your team that week, like in fantasy football where I won one week because the Bucs blocked a punt and ran it back for a touchdown (8 points). Its little things like that, but they all add up. Boyes was -2 that week and Kane +1, so that shakes it up a bit as now Kane leads 18-16.

Fantasy stat No 4: Shots on goal. In fantasy football a running back gets 10 points for every 100 yards rushing. Even if he doesn’t score that week, it’s still nice to get 13 or 14 points from a rusher who just barrels through a defence like the grandma in a Tyler Perry play. Shots on goal should count in fantasy hockey the same way. Sure, you’d love Corey Perry to get a hat trick every game, but it’s not going to happen so why not get a point for every shot on goal he gets? This is another small harmless statistic but could pay huge dividends if your player is on a team that out shot the Panthers 53-17 and he got seven of them. Kane out shot Boys that week 8-5, so he pads his lead 26-21.

Fantasy stat No 5: Ice time should matter. (Not a ton, but it should still come into play) Remember back in the mid 90s when all the hockey analysts began telling you for no reason that Scott Stevens and Scott Neidermayer were the dogs of the league, grabbing close to 30 minutes of ice time a night? We didn’t really know why they were telling us this, because nobody seemed to care before then. The fact remains, the best players play the most minutes and the goal is to have the best players on your fantasy team. Each minute played counts for 0.25 points and is added up at the end of the week like the other stats. (I racked my brain for a long time coming up with that specific number. My TV was on mute for so long, when I looked up I was watching “The View”. Shudders. Either way, a quarter of a point sounds good. It’s enough to help your team, not enough for a stay at home defenceman to swing the game either way; plus having a player like Jason Blake who just got benched would cripple your team that week adding even more drama.) For the week in question both players played almost the same amount, with Boyes playing just two minutes more than Kane (62-60) so Boyes gets an extra half point for being Brad Boyes. Kane still leads 41-36.5 however.

Fantasy Stat No 6: Body checks and blocked shots. Now we’re getting into very frivolous territory but who cares? Both of these elements are crucial to the game and count in statistics so why not here too? Imagine how pissed off you would be if you lost your fantasy game because Dion Phaneuf got out checked by Pavel Kubina. That’s what fantasy sports is all about; getting massively irritated because of a stat that most people don’t really care about (Like losing your NBA fantasy week because your center got out blocked by your opponents center) Unfortunately I couldn’t find the checking stats for that week, just the ones for the entire year so far (although the fantasy computer would be able to track the number of checks/shots blocked) so I gave them both five, which given how little they play physically is huge. So after all these new stats are incorporated, Kane wins 46-41.5. That’s why goals need to count for five points. Take away one of his goals and Boyes tops him by half a point. See, there’s a reason to all this craziness!

Goalies would also incorporate new stats in addition to their usual Wins-Losses-Shutouts categories. All goalie stats would be on a per game basis because other than Martin Brodeur, goalies rarely play every game. Save Percentage would count towards or against their point totals. Goals against would also be looked at. Here’s a table of what it would look like under the new SportsOne’s fantasy guidelines:

Win – 3pts

Loss – -1pt

Shutout – 5pts

So far pretty standard stuff, but there are a few more to come. We incorporated the shootout into the offensive players, so we need to do that here too. Each save a goalie makes in the shootout is worth one point. If you have Peter Budaj (or however you pronounce his name) and he goes 10 rounds in the shootout and makes nine saves in the process all of a sudden he’s your stud of the week. Each save a goalie makes in the shootout puts his team in a tremendous position to win the game, so he should get credit for it. Save percentage should also count and would look like this:

SV % of 95+ (not including shutout) 3pts

SV % of 92+ 2pts

SV % of 90+ 1pt

SV % of under 90 -1pt

Goals against would count as well with 1 GA being worth three, 2GA worth two and 3GA worth one. Four GA would count as zero while anything over five would be -1 point. (Note: Shootouts would not count as a goal against. If it’s tied 1-1 after overtime the goalie would get the three points regardless of whether his team wins the shootout)

There is one more stat to go on this SportsOne fantasy odyssey and I can’t believe no one has ever put this into

play but it would be a huge fantasy back breaker for a team. It doesn’t happen every game and in fact it happens to a goalie maybe three or four times a year but could be instrumental in winning your fantasy week and that is: Goalie assists (or goals). Goalie assists would be worth 15 fantasy points and could easily allow a fantasy guru to come back from a huge deficit in a hurry. Fifteen points seems like a good amount because as said, goalies don’t get points often, most never get any, but if you had one on your team that got five or six in a year it should help a ton. Goalie X might have a bad week, but him getting a point on a Saturday would throw fun back into the league in a big big way.

Fantasy hockey doesn’t have to be boring old G-A-PIM and for goalies W-L-SO. The stats are there. The NHL keeps these other stats for a reason (unbeknownst to me) and its time to develop a fantasy league where all these stats count. So Marion Hossa is held off the score sheet for a night, he still contributes in ice time, shots on goal, possibly a penalty here or there and if it gets to a shootout you know he’ll have a shot at a GWG there. Those stay at home defencemen who log 30 minutes of Ice Time a game and block five or six shots while throwing five checks? All of a sudden it doesn’t hurt to pick up Jay Bouwmeester in the sixth round. There has to be more to fantasy hockey. Nobody ever talks about it the same way they do football and basketball and this has to be the reason: There just isn’t enough to look for. The game itself has changed; it’s time for the fantasy game to change as well.

Quick NFL Week 8 picks (home team as always in CAPS):

Raiders (+7.5) vs RAVENS

Chargers (-3) vs SAINTS

JETS (-13) vs Chiefs

Bills (-1) vs DOLPHINS

Bucs (+2) vs COWBOYS

Falcons (+9) vs EAGLES

Rams (+7.5) vs PATRIOTS

PANTHERS (-4) vs Cardinals

LIONS (+8) vs Redskins

Browns (+7) vs JAGUARS

STEELERS (-3) vs Giants

49ERS (-5) vs Seahawks

TEXANS (-9) vs Bengals

TITANS (-4) vs Colts

Last week: 8-6

Season: 57-43-2

Bizarro NFL Week 7!

In season two of South Park the kids watch a show called Fat Abbott, which is basically Fat Albert if Albert was a pimp. Basically all the show is are Abbott and the rest of the Cosby kids swearing at each other. Cartman watches a few episodes and says “What the hell is going on in this cartoon?” That, my friends, perfectly sums up the NFL season thus far. Nobody knows what to make of about half the teams. One week they’re way up (Washington beating Philly in Philly and Minnesota winning in New Orleans) and the next week they’re way down. (Rams beat Skins, Lions ALMOST win in Minny) With that in mind folks I bring you: Bizarro SportsOne. Bizarro SportsOne will make his picks with the current bizarre nature of the NFL in mind. My real picks will also appear and as always home teams in CAPS.

CHIEFS (+9.5) vs Titans

Bizarro SportsOne: Titans (-9.5) vs CHIEFS

The Chiefs have little to no offence and the Titans have a great defence, so those two should cancel each other out. The Titans on the other hand don’t have a great offence either as this one could be like one of those garbage 10-7 type games that the better teams always seem to win on the road. Think of the game in Baltimore a couple weeks ago for example. Is it possible we’ve reverted back to 2002 when the best team in the NFL (the Bucs) wasn’t the flashiest team in the NFL? Could the Titans win it all and yet be the most boring good team since the Ravens of 2000? It could happen, but they’re not a scoring threat so give the Chiefs the points. Bizarro SportsOne would like to remind everyone that this year the NFL is like post-crack Whitney: Nothing should shock us.

BILLS (PK) vs Chargers

Bizarro SportsOne: Chargers (PK) vs BILLS

The Chargers dumped the Pats last week on national TV in a game that I’m sure caused John Madden to take a nap during the 4^th quarter. Now that the Chargers are 3-3, they must travel across the country to Buffalo for a 1pm start this Sunday. West coast teams never fare well when they have to do that, or when they stay the extra week and play the Jets and turn it over 32 times in a quarter costing the SportsOne his week 3 Pro-Line ticket. With that in mind, the Bills are rested and looking go up two games in their division. LD still isn’t right (him and his stupid toe) and the Bills are hungry to score after being humbled in Arizona. Bizarro likes the Chargers because Norv Turner is a good coach. (Cue the MSN sarcastic smiley face)

BENGALS (+9.5) vs Steelers

Bizarro SportsOne: BENGALS (+9.5) vs Steelers

Willie Parker is still out for the Steelers who are another team coming off a bye this week. That means Mewelde (sounds like Animal from the Muppets: “Me Weld!”) Moore will get the start for Pittsburgh and that means pretty much nothing. The Bengals are horrid, but are at home playing against a Steeler team who has looked like the collected works of Ben Affleck: Great at times (Dazed and Confused and Dogma) and horrible at others (everything else). Meanwhile, Ocho Cinco feels he’s being punished for saying he wanted to be traded last summer. Really? You think Carson Palmer and his new backup want to keep hearing you complain? The fact remains the team still hasn’t won since that idiotic name change Chad. They won’t win this week either but should keep it close at home. Bizarro SportsOne predicts #85 scoring 2 TD’s and a Gatorade bath for Marvin Lewis….before halftime.

DOLPHINS (-3) vs Ravens

Bizarro SportsOne: DOLPHINS (-3) vs Ravens

The Fish are the ultimate Bizarro team this year. They rock the Pats and beat the Chargers, then lose to Houston. As my brother Jordan would text: WTF??? They return home to play a Ravens team which just got crushed against a Colts team that seemingly has found its way finally (Boo). Joe Flacco has thrown for one TD this season. Enough said. Bizarro takes the Dolphins on the notion that he’s not stupid enough to think this Ravens team can win on the road either. Meanwhile, it was announced a few weeks ago that Bruce Springsteen will perform at this years Super Bowl. So just to review, since the Nipplegate of 2004 we’ve had Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Prince, Tom Petty and now The Boss. Huey Lewis HAS to be on deck right? It’s a no brainer right???

RAMS (+7.5) vs Cowboys

Bizarro SportsOne: Cowboys (-7.5) vs RAMS

Will he or won’t he play? That’s the question this week. Tony Romo has an injured pinkie finger (is there a more wuss sounding injury? It’s virtually impossible to throw a football without all five of your fingers working properly but still) and Brad Johnson could be called upon to come off the bench. This week the ‘Boys traded (I mean over paid) for Roy Williams from the Lions. Now, all week different sportscasters have given their opinion on the trade and whether T.O will still get enough touches and whatnot so there isn’t much to be said other than Jerry Jones will be coaching the team by week 10 if this keeps up. I see a crisis happening in Dallas. The Rams meanwhile are coming off the biggest shock win of the season. I imagine a lot of closet Rams fans giving it to their friends all week in the “you never believed in us!” vain. I also see them keeping it close this week against a beat up and now complicated Cowboys team. Bizarro SportsOne takes the Cowboys in a beat down similar to the one at the end of this.

BEARS (-3) vs Vikings

Bizarro SportsOne: BEARS (-3) vs Vikings

I’m not sure which was worse, the lead singer from Def Leppard putting the Stanley Cup upside down on HNIC’s opening night a week ago or Lions QB Dan Orlovsky attempting to avoid the pass rush last week by running OUT of the end zone and then attempting a pass. (The Vikings need to send him a thank you card; it was the safety that ended up being the difference) The Viks head out on the road which is probably a good thing considering everyone last week at home was chanting “Fire Childress” (doesn’t have the same ring to it that “Fire Isaiah” has does it?”) and this week are in Chicago. I don’t know what to make of the Bears either. They’re at home though and should be able to stop Peterson from tearing them apart. They really should be 5-1, last weeks loss in Atlanta was inexcusable (Really? A squib kick with 11 seconds left??) and they should’ve beaten Tampa a few weeks ago. That’s scary that this team could and should be the No 1 seed thus far. I think I just talked myself into believing in the Bears. Bizarro takes the Bears as well because I bribed him with cocaine. (The great equalizer in our society!)

PANTHERS (-3) vs Saints

Bizarro SportsOne: Saints (+3) vs PANTHERS

Last week a few of you caught me on the fact that I didn’t say my obligatory salute to my fantasy football team so I’ll do that right now “GO TRAMPOLINE BEAR”. (If you haven’t seen the video from which this is from, check it out it is short) At this point I would like to thank the Panthers for having their punt blocked and returned for a TD early in their game last week against the Bucs because that one play ended up winning my fantasy game last week running the record to 5-1. The Panthers come home to play a Saints team which has looked great at home this year but mediocre on the road. (It’s not as big a flip flop as Arizona but still noticeable) The question is whether or not Carolina’s offence can stay with New Orleans offence. I think they can, because unless you’re the Raiders you can score on the Saints. Bizarro SportsOne is sticking a fork in my eye as he takes the Saints this week.

49ers (+10.5) vs GIANTS

Bizarro SportsOne: GIANTS (-10.5) vs 49ers

My good buddy Ryan has been giving me flack for not showing the Giants any respect this season, so I promised him I’d say something nice this week about his team so here it goes: The Giants return home this week after a hard fought game against the Browns in which they showcased the reason why they were undefeated to that point. I don’t think that did it, sorry Ryan I’ll come up with something soon. So just to review: We had the two best teams (we thought) lose to teams that were among the bottom 5 (we thought) and now everything is all screwed up. Last week I mentioned that although I had made a promise not to take any 10+ favourites I took two and lost big on both. This week I’ve learned my lesson. The G-Men win but not in a blowout. Bizarro likes the Giants to ruin the 49ers to the tune of 38-6 because they’re still the best most complete team in the NFC. (There you go Ryan, I said it. I will now smash a vase over my head)

Lions (+9.5) vs TEXANS

Bizarro SportsOne: Lions (+9.5) vs TEXANS

I had a discussion this past week with my good buddy Noah, and then later with my cousin Jeff regarding stripper songs. We all agreed that “Pour Some Sugar On Me” is the king, but what is the best stripper song to come out of the last 5 years? We jotted some songs down (Noah especially liked “When I Grow Up” by the Pussycat Dolls, which I found to be a little obvious) and eventually came up with “Headstrong” by Trapt as the best one released this decade. Think about it, the chorus screams “…and this is NOT where you belong!” Couldn’t you picture some girl leading some dude on, getting all hot and when that lyric comes on, she throws him back and bolts for someone else, perpetuating the tease? It’s brilliant. I really hope some have used it and if not yet, I’ll get my brother Jordan to tell the stripper he knows about it. It’s a gold mine just waiting to be tapped. Why am I writing this in a football column? Because what you’ve just read should be infinitely more interesting than the Detroit/Houston game on Sunday. Bizarro SportsOne concurs.

Jets (-3) vs RAIDERS

Bizarro SportsOne: RAIDERS (+3) vs Jets

I have to say I really hate these “old timey” uniforms the Jets seem to wear for every home game now. It makes the team look like a fake college team that might have been featured on the show “Coach” or something. That being said, they’re on the road this week out in Oakland so at least we get to watch the greens. That’s if anyone bothers to watch this game. I think Favre will have a good game and the Raiders are still awful. Bizarro likes the Raiders because this season is impossible to predict. On a side note, my buddy Phil told me this week that someone won over $500,000 on Pro Line pools (basically calling every game straight up and if you get them all you win the pot) which caused absolute disbelief from me. I REFUSE to believe anyone, ever, picked the Rams straight up last week in Washington. The Green Party had a better shot of winning last week than the Rams did. (Just a side note, was this the most boring Canadian election ever? Really, the Liberals need to ship like 20 high priced escorts to Jack Leyton’s house and use them to bribe him into going Liberal. Then and only then, will we see the true potential of Leyton’s fist fighting ability)

Browns (+7.5) vs REDSKINS

Bizarro SportsOne: Browns (+7.5) vs REDSKINS

Could the Browns be back? All of a sudden they’re 2-3 in a division which to this point has no real contender. First we thought the Steelers were the team to beat and then they floundered a bit, then the Ravens took over and now their offence looks hopeless. The Bengals are in talks with bringing back David Klingler (he’s been bald since grade 7!) so they’re out. I don’t think the Browns win the game, but the Skins haven’t blown anyone out all year and then lost to the Rams (and didn’t get kicked out of the league) so it should be a tight one. Bizarro SportsOne also likes a tight one involving the Browns. (Jeez that sounds just wrong)

PACKERS (-1) vs Colts

Bizarro SportsOne: PACKERS (-1) vs Colts

The Colts destroyed the Ravens last week and are looking better as each week goes by. Hooray for that. (Cue MSN sarcastic smiley face) In keeping with this “anything can happen” thing that we’ve got going here, I like the Pack at home. I’m not sure why. Perhaps I’m an idiot. Bizarro concurs.

Seahawks (+10.5) vs BUCS

Bizarro SportsOne: BUCS (-10.5) vs Seahawks

I think Bizarro is just picking against me on this game because the cocaine was totally cut with baking soda. Just a hunch.

Broncos (+3.5) vs PATRIOTS

Bizarro SportsOne: PATRIOTS (-3.5) vs Broncos

I’ve just spent the past few minutes racking my brain as to how the Pats can score any points in this game. I mean, Denver’s defence isn’t exactly good (or average) but they just looked awful on Sunday night. Seriously, a QB can’t make THIS much difference in football can it? I mean, the Pats have NO RUNNING GAME at all. They’re like a non BCS college team that won all their games by out passing everyone else and when their QB left for the pros they went 2-9 with essentially the same team. Hmm. That’s it! The Pats are the NFL version of Hawaii! (I can’t believe it took me till week 7 to reference Colt Brennan. Sorry everybody) My friend Margaret and I have a friendly rivalry going because I’m a die hard Broncos fan and her boyfriend likes the Patriots (meaning like any good girlfriend she likes the Patriots too, ugh) so this game has lots of intrigue for me. If Buffalo wins this week (and they should) the Pats will be 2+ games back if they lose this one. Bizarro SportsOne took the Pats so I set him ablaze and threw him over my balcony “tree toss” style.

Last week: 7-7

Season: 49-37-2

The Magic Of October: ALCS Game 5

Let me first say that I don’t think I’ve been shocked like I was last night when I logged onto ESPN.com and saw that the Red Sox had made it 7-6 since the first time I saw the topless scene in “The Whole Nine Yards”. (I mean, it just came out of nowhere didn’t it? The robbers are inside the house, it’s tense and all of a sudden Amanda Peet is topless!? It still ranks as one of the greatest surprise nude scenes of all time but back to the game last night.) There’s a scene in the movie Fever Pitch when Jimmy Fallon’s character is woken up at around 12:30am and is told that the Red Sox just came back from a huge deficit and forced another game in the ALCS. Well, last night wasn’t 8 runs in the bottom of the 9^th, but it was pretty damn close. The Red Sox have made comebacks of 3-0 and 3-1 in the last four years, and until around 10:50pm Thursday night nobody figured they would be around to make it another. It’s only one game but the scene shifts to Tampa, the Sox have found their bats again and the Rays have every right to be scared. Be afraid, be very afraid.

The Sox appetites have been awoken. They’ve remembered how to hit the ball and the Rays who haven’t been in this position before cannot let this get to game 7. They need to finish the Sox off at home Saturday night. (Actually, this IS pretty much how Joe Maddon drew this up isn’t it? Starting Kazmir in game 5 and keeping Shields for game 6, just in case? I’m sure he never figured a seven run comeback however. Just a side note, this was the second biggest baseball comeback in ALCS history) Just to reiterate how shocking this was, consider that the previous 25 innings of baseball were scored the following: Tampa Bay 29, Boston 5. 29-5. During the middle of the 7^th inning, the Rays were up 7-0 and cruising along in autopilot. They came out and continued what they’d been doing for the past two games: Annihilating the Boston pitching staff and stifling their hitters. The best Boston pitcher this season (Jon Lester) got shelled on Monday and then they destroyed Tim Wakefield’s knuckler in game 4 en route to a 13-4 win on Tuesday.

Last night it was Dice-K’s turn to get mauled. The Rays chased him after just four innings hitting three more home runs in the process. Boston was done. The Rays were loose. The Sox were unmotivated hitting grounder after grounder like Willie Mays Hays without the speed. Ortiz was batting something like .144 for the series. There was no jump anywhere from anyone. For some reason Varitek and his .178 power average since May was still in the lineup! You could just tell the Rays were looking towards spraying each other with even cheaper champagne this time around as their ticket to the World Series was seven outs away from being stamped. Then suddenly and without warning, the biggest threat the Bo Sox have walked up to the plate, shook his finger like Dikembe Mutombo and said “Nooo you don’t.” And with one swing, Ortiz who had seemingly turned into Andruw Jones during the last few weeks, remembered how to hit and launched one into the right field stands. 7-4 Rays. Still a big lead, but you could just feel something happening in Boston.

Fenway Park erupted and all of a sudden the energy level got raised exponentially. People were yelling, screaming, and trying to will the Sox to three more runs to tie it up. It followed with JD Drew (I know, Drew again??) hitting a two-run shot in the 8^th and Coco Crisp tying the game with a single. The stage was set and the wind all but taken out of the Rays sails. In less than an hour the Rays had gone from the team that nobody thought wasn’t going to be the American League representative in the World Series to the team nobody thought was going to win this game anymore. At least I didn’t. With Fenway buzzing again and the Sox having tied the game there was just no way Tampa was going to stop this train tonight.

In each of the Red Sox playoff comebacks there has been a spark; something to give them a chance for the big comeback. In 2004 it was Dave Roberts’ stolen base that put him in scoring position for Bill Mueller in the 9^th inning of game 4. It didn’t win them the series, but it put the Sox in a position to win the game. They did and the rest of course is history. Last season it was a different story. Down 3-1 to the Indians, the Sox came out hitting and took advantage of some shoddy pitching late in the game by Victor Martinez. It didn’t win them the series, but put them in a position to go home for game six and try and win it there. They won seven straight games en route to another World Series championship. Last night it wasn’t a bad pitching performance or a stolen base that set up the win for the Sox; it was an error that proved more than a little costly.

The 9^th inning started well for Maddon’s club. He put Howell in in relief and he did just what a good reliever does. Dustin Pedroia grounded out to third and Ortiz struck out swinging. When Ortiz miffed the park actually started going silent for the first time in about an hour. Then came the moment. Kevin Youkilis hit a grounder down the 3^rd base line, Evan Longoria made a great backhanded stab but his throw was far too short and bounced over first base into the stands. Call it an omen. With Youk at 2^nd now the Rays intentionally walked Jason Bay setting up Drew again which baffles the mind because 1) He hits Howell very well to the tune of 4 for 7 coming into that at bat and 2) He JUST hit a HR last inning and in the playoffs this year and last has been clutch clutch clutch. Sure enough, a ground rule double into the Rays bullpen and with that the comeback complete. My brother texted me around 11 or so and he couldn’t have put it better: The Bo Sox WTF??? The Reverse Curse of A-Rod strikes again.

(The Reverse Curse of A-Rod basically stipulates that because the Red Sox were supposed to get him prior to the 2004 season and then when MLB voided the trade and the Yankees picked him up instead, the baseball gods have been allowing good things to happen to the Sox ever since. So far it’s an 0-3 comeback to the Yankees, a 1-3 comeback against the Indians and two World Series titles in four years. Oh and last nights game just to name a few)

That’s what made this particular comeback something special on its own. In 2004 against the Yankees the pitchers for the Sox after game 5 were: Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling and Derek Lowe. In other words, a fair bet to get it to a seventh game. (Like everyone else, I’m still shocked at Lowe’s pitching in the 04 playoffs. Very underrated indeed.) Last year they blew out Cleveland in three straight to win that series in seven. This year they haven’t won the series yet but came back in a game nobody expected or even dreamed they would. That’s what sets this comeback apart from those. They were never down that much to the Yanks; never down period to the Tribe. Last night signified the attitude they had been lacking to this point, the never say die attitude that brought them back one and four years ago, except this time not only were they down in games, they were on life support in what could have been and should have been the final game of their season. They didn’t have the luxury of having a superior pitching staff to guide them in games 5 and 6 like in ’04. They didn’t have the opportunity to crush balls at the beginning games 5 ad 6 like last year. They had wasted that chance and found themselves down 7-0 and down to their final 2+ innings. One by one the planets aligned and slowly but surely everyone in that

stadium knew that magic was about to happen again.

Something else happened during the 8^th and 9^th innings. I inexplicably began cheering for the other guys.

Like every casual fan whose team is out of it (Blue Jays) I’ve been on the Tampa bandwagon since about early September (save for that 10 game winning streak the Jays went on in the middle of the month) and although part of me was looking forward to a Sox-Dodgers World Series, I really wanted to see the Rays foil everything and get it in and then win it. Now I’m not sure anymore. The Red Sox have a $133 million payroll and all the financial opportunities that any team could ever want, yet they have this way of making themselves into the team you just can’t cheer against. In ’04 it was revenge of the Boone HR and being down 0-3 to the Yankees and of course the appeal of Johnny Damon and the “Idiots”. Last year when they fell behind to the Indians they were accused of not having the heart to go all the way, and then when they started destroying the Tribe’s pitching after game 5 I begun rooting for them again. This year was supposed to be different. The Sox were done and out and the Rays were the new team to root for, except last night once Ortiz hit that HR to send the crowd bananas I did a 180 and started cheering for the Red Sox one more time.

It’s also the WAY these comebacks seem to happen. It’s not like the Sox went out and lost three straight extra inning heartbreakers this week. It was a 9-8 loss and two huge blowouts at home. Not exactly games that bring about the tired clichés of “If only a few more bounces went our way” or “If we had sneakers like that we would’ve won too”. No these were old fashioned ass whippings. You can’t help but get into it. This team was seven outs from not just elimination but from losing three consecutive blowouts at home. Not even the Cubs do that.

Maybe I just like seeing quality baseball, which games 3 and 4 definitely were not. Perhaps deep down I’m a closet Red Sox fan although I doubt that. Maybe I’m just easily persuaded by the feel good story that happens every postseason with this team. Whatever the reason being I’m looking forward to game 6 and hoping there’s a game 7. Game 6 goes Saturday night at 8pm. Do yourselves a favour. Everybody around here will be watching the Leafs game at 7 which is fine but keep an eye out on the ballgame. It’s the playoffs and there still could be some magic left in this series. The Rays’ fans will be loud and this series has finally given some life into the baseball playoffs. (Up until now it’s been a colossal bore hasn’t it?) I know I’ll make sure a TV is showing it. Now I just need to figure out who to root for.

NFL week 6!

It’s a very special weekend because it’s Thanksgiving season. Time to spend time with loved ones, devour food that your mom or aunt spent all day cooking and most of all, watching football! At this very moment I’m on a bus headed to London, it’s packed and it’s 1am. Don’t worry about me though, I got the decapitation insurance. Now on with the picks! My brother Jordan will be putting his own imput into this week’s picks, because it’s Thanksgiving and time to spend with your family. Cue the Full House music.

SAINTS (-7) vs Raiders

Remember that old Animaniacs skit “Good Idea, Bad Idea”? With the little skeleton guy? I think it’s safe to say that kicking to Reggie Bush falls under the Bad Idea category as he’s now ran three punts back for touchdowns. He’s like the modern day Dante Hall (Remember him?) and he’s different than Devin Hester because unlike Hester, Bush actually has a roster spot. That being said, the Saints really choked that game away last week in front of the whole world and unfortunately the injuries to Shockey and Cotchery are not getting better any time soon. The Raiders on the other hand are unveiling their new coach this week! (Cue canned applause) Part of me really wants the Raiders to win this game just to see if the team dumps Gatorade on Tom Caple or better yet, Al Davis. He still looks like he’s been dead since 1986. He’s the Bob Dole of this decade!

Jordan says “Reggie Bush was amazing last week so they shouldn’t lose this week. I could see them winning 27-9 or something because the Raiders suck.”

COLTS (-4.5) vs Ravens

The ending of both of these teams games last week could not have been more different. The Ravens were choking their game away at home to Tennessee while the Colts were proving again that they only have to show up in the final quarter to salvage a win. That being said, neither of these teams are very good. Joseph Addai has dropped off the face of the earth and Peyton Manning can’t seem to get anything done without the running game working well. I like the Colts to finally win a game in their new house. Meanwhile, Joe Flacco has been named the starting QB for the rest of the season. Which begs the question, is this franchise EVER going to have an elite QB again? Bernie Kosar is a longggg time ago.

Jordan says “After last week’s two minute performance I like the Colts but not to cover. The Ravens played pretty good against the Titans last week.” Sorry, he just walked Estaban Herman in his PS3 2008 Baseball The Show game. “F*&k you Rex Hudler!” Guess he’s got something else on his mind for this one.

Bengals (+6) vs JETS

This Bengals team is really weird. Play good enough to beat both the Giants and Cowboys on the road, yet get creamed against the Titans and Browns? The Bizarro Bengals travel to New York this week to take on a team that’s equally bizarre. Not much is known whether this Jets team is for real or not, but six points is a lot and Cincinnati is really desperate for a win. This just in over the wire, Chad Palmer is not playing for Cincy this weekend. I’m sticking with Cincy to cover. The Bengals have no wins regardless of who’s playing behind the center. Also, we’ve had Lane Kiffin and Scott Linehan fired before a bye week this year. When do the Bengals have their bye week again???

Jordan says “Favre has had two weeks to prepare for this one, and the Bengals are beaten up, so if I had to put money on it (which he will have to if I have anything to say about it) I’d pick the Jets.”

BUCS (-1.5) vs Panthers

Finally! Someone clued Jon Gruden in and he’s decided Jeff Garcia will be starting from here on in. The Brian Greise experiment is over (tear). The Bucs offence has only looked good for about one 10 minute stretch in Chicago. Last week it made the Broncos defence look like something out of the AFC North. The Bucs usually play Carolina tough at home and should win this clash. This is one of those games where if it was tied at 3 in the 4^th you wouldn’t be surprised, nor if it was 30-30 with a quarter to play it wouldn’t shock you. Either way, it could be a very boring game.

We just had a conversation about whether or not you can charge the mound in this Baseball game Jordan is playing. There HAS to be an easter egg type deal on this right??? “I’ll take the Bucs at home, I think, I don’t know…” and he goes on like this. This 1 ½ point spread is making him crazy, someone call a paramedic.

VIKINGS (-13) vs Lions

The Lions suck. Just thought I’d reiterate that point. The Vikings are coming off a “how in the hell did we do that again?” win in New Orleans on Monday night and will look to jump into the lead in the NFC North with a win. Barring the earth opening up and swallowing Gus Frerotte and the Vikings having to play Tavaris Jackson, they will. TV tidbit of the week: Rod Marinelli stated this week that he has no plans on quitting and will continue to coach the Lions to which Woody Paige on Around the Horn replied “He shouldn’t quit at all. He should be fired!” Well said. Lions fall to 0-5.

Jordan says “I bet Detroit won’t even score a touchdown.” They scored one last week during his game in Detroit however, I think, I don’t know…and I went on like that. Good thing the paramedics are here.

FALCONS (+3) vs Bears

It’s Thanksgiving time and have we reached the point yet where the Atlanta Falcons and their fans have to thank Michael Vick for being Michael Vick? Up until his arrest, they were stuck with a QB whose stock was not going to get any higher, was never going to develop into the passing type of QB you need in this league, and were going to have no opportunities to get any better via the draft. Now they’ve suffered through a horrible season, drafted a RB who is turning into the next generation of Jamal Anderson and we’re 6 weeks in and Atlanta has a decent shot of winning their division AND hosting an NFC East team in the playoffs. Start sending the postcard now.

Jordan says “Really? The Bears are favoured on the road against the Falcons!?! How is that possible? By buddy thinks the Bears defence is amazing. They beat the damn Lions last week, come on.” I never met this friend, but he’s a misguided, troubled little boy.

TEXANS (-3) vs Dolphins

While we’re on the subject of giving thanks, you just know Matt Schaub is thanking the Lord above for Rosenfils John Elway in Super Bowl XXXII attempt last week. The Texans had the Colts 27-10 late in the 4^th and in under 7 minutes flushed their season completely down the toilet. They’re better than 0-4, and still have 3 straight home games left. They’ll win at least one of those. I’m taking this one. In totally unrelated news, the ALCS started tonight and Boston beat Tampa Bay 2-0. What’s more, the Red Sox aside from David Ortiz fielded a completely white lineup!

Jordan says “Is this the week the Texans get a win? I think it is. I’ll take a shot and say the Texans get their first

win. If I’m wrong string me up.” Believe me, we will. My parents can make another one just like him.

REDSKINS (-13.5) vs Rams

I told myself after last weeks horrid Cowboys pick (17 points to cover against Cincy) that I’d never take another double digit favourite again this year because they’re 0-5 against the spread (yes I did write this first) and now I’ve taken two in the same week. Why? Because it’s the Lions and Rams. The Rams get to jet out their new head coach this week also and the Gatorade watch is in full effect like it should be. The Skins on the other hand have been playing like a collective beast the last month, although my friend Margaret (I know, a female football fan! I’ve been blessed!) couldn’t name the starting QB for Washington despite the fact he’s on her fantasy team. The Skins: Doing more with less!

Jordan says “I don’t see Washington winning by 13+ points honestly. None of the 10+ spreads have covered yet this year, but I just don’t see it. The Rams shouldn’t score more than 10 points in the game though.” Hold that thought because first order of business was seeing that Trent Green never takes another snap this year!

BRONCOS (-3) vs Jaguars

Denver has a real chance to put the Chargers in a deep hole this week. They’re already up 2 games (2 ½ really, because they not only beat San Diego but also haven’t lost a home game yet) and with SD playing NE on Sunday night, this is one of those games they really need. Jacksonville’s win over Indy in week 3 seems like forever ago and are also in danger of falling way behind the idle Titans who somehow stand at 5-0.

Jordan says “Your F*&%in’ Broncos, what the hell!? They should be 2-3 or something. They did beat a good Bucs team at home, so they should be able to do this week.” You hear that? MY F*&%in’ Broncos. Take that Stewart!

49ERS (+5.5) vs Eagles

The 49ers are getting better. Frank Gore has turned into a beast and will probably rush for 1300 yards this season. Their improving at the QB position and could be the second tier team to challenge the Cardinals if they stumble during the second half of the game. Philly is looking really depleted at this point. No Westbrook again this week. If the Eagles lose this they could be done. Oh and they’re coming off two straight losses. Is this the week McNabb vomits in the huddle again? Oh the wonders of NFL football.

Jordan says “Honestly, I think they 49ers will cover and they’ll win the game. They’re looking weak and banged up, coming off losses against Washington and Chicago and should’ve won both probably.” Like everyone else, he wants to go to JT O’Sullivans for some wings.

CARDS (+5.5) vs Cowboys

Do the Cardinals have a clause in their lease which states they must play Dallas every year? It seems the Cowboys are always in Arizona at some point. Kurt Warner torched the Bills last week and should do the same to the Cowboys, further strengthening their position as the team to beat in the NFC AAA division. The Cards haven’t played a home playoff game since they moved to Phoenix in 1986! Just a side note, why haven’t the people at Bud Light somehow work Dennis Green’s “They are who we THOUGHT THEY WERE!” tirade into a commercial yet?

Jordan says “I could see Dallas exploding in this game, cuz they haven’t done that since week 3 in Green Bay, so I’m taking Dallas.” Also, he’s a Cowboys fan. He could see Dallas running for president and winning. He also picks the Cowboys to end world hunger, Owens to discover a cure for cancer and Jerry Jones to live to be how old Al Davis looks.

SEAHAWKS (-2.5) vs Packers

Mike Holmgren is wishing he had retired last year.

Jordan says “Seahawks at home, against a banged up Pack team with no quarterback, Tony Finn, or Anthony Finn, or something Finn or whoever, who cares. They’ll win this game.” In his defence, how is anyone supposed to know who Green Bay’s former third string QB is?

CHARGERS (-5.5) vs Patriots

Wow, talk about your preseason hype game which has turned into a dud. The Brady injury took something away, but the fact that San Diego has looked great at times and awful at times makes this one look really average. Although, it’s still somehow the most intriguing game of the week. On a side note, is anyone else really excited to see what Family Guy does for an encore after last week’s season defining episode? If you haven’t seen it, I urge you to download it and then answer me: Do you or do you not know about the bird?

Jordan says “Honestly, this game used to have some lustre, but definitely not now. Can they score points with Matt Cassel? I doubt it. Last year they scored without LT so I’m taking my chances on San Diego.”

BROWNS (+8) vs Giants

I can’t see the Browns losing big and I can’t see the Giants keeping on winning. There was actually a conversation on PTI this week about whether or not you would want Eli or Peyton Manning as your QB. Both picked Eli. I can’t believe we’ve reached that point but shouldn’t be too surprised. Younger siblings often turn out as good or better than their older counterparts when it’s all said and done. Look at Shannon Sharpe, Serena Williams or even Michael Jackson! On the other hand, ask Brent Gretzky or Brett Lindros how that worked out for them. My head hurts, I’m done for this week. Oh let’s check in with Jordan one last time:

Jordan says “I think the Giants will cover that no problem.” He’s not the best colour man in the league for nothing folks.