NHL Preview Part 1 - NHL and Degrassi together at last!!

I have to say that the way the entire city of Toronto basically shut down last night in anticipation of the preseason Leafs game was pretty impressive. A few wins over NHL D-League teams is probably as good as it’s going to get this year for our blue and white. I’ve heard win projections from buddies of mine anywhere from 12-28. I don’t think it will be a record setting season of futility, but it’s not going to be much in the way of nail biting come March. Let me put it this way: Anytime the GM comes flat out and says “this season could have some bumps and bruises” it’s not a good sign.

All this got me thinking, it’s almost NHL time and how to properly do a preview column this year? I was combing over my collection of DVD box sets a couple weeks ago and spent almost 20 minutes trying to find a missing disc from one of my Degrassi Jr High editions and realized the only thing I might love more than sports is the original Degrassi. So why not combine the two! So here we go, the 2008-09 NHL preview Degrassi Style! (Basically all 30 teams, West Conference this week, East Conference next week, will be previewed and compared to a character on the original Degrassi. As always, your comments and ideas are more than encouraged and relax, this is just for fun so no death threats again ok?)

WESTERN CONFERENCE (all teams are listed in alphabetical order complete with last season’s record)

ANAHEIM DUCKS (47-27-8 102pts)

Projected Finish: 7^th

Degrassi Character: Lucy Fernandez

Ah, Lucy: The hard nosed feminist who was always under the impression that she was way more important than she really was. Ok, fine it’s 1988 and you have a video camera, so I guess you’re somewhat important, but come on, if you hadn’t directed the Zit Remedy video someone else would have so quit milking it.

Like Lucy, the Ducks still like to think they’re way more important than they really are. The Stanley Cup win was nice, and then we had to endure almost 9 months of “will he or won’t he come back and play with us this year” with not one but TWO players! In the end both Scott Neidermayer and Teemu Selanne came back and played but it didn’t do much as the Ducks lost in the first round to the Dallas Stars. Yeah, I had to look up that playoff match up too. Like I said, they don’t matter now.

This year should be an interesting one because Neidermayer will be around all season long! Ryan Getzlaf and Corey Perry should continue to build on their break-out seasons from last year and defence and goaltending should continue to be strong. It’s just that a lot of other teams in the west got better over the off season, so there’s no real need to get excited about the Ducks this year, although Brian Burke still likes to think the Ducks rule the league.

CALGARY FLAMES (42-30-10 94pts)

Projected Finish: 6^th

Degrassi Character: Bryant Lister Thomas, aka BLT

BLT as everyone remembers, was the cool cat at Degrassi. If you were hanging around and he came up to you and asked you if you wanted to play some ball, you said yes. He was the kind of kid people just wanted to be around. (unless you were Michelle’s dad. Ooo the racial undertones of 1988 high school romance!) The Calgary Flames are the same way. Led by arguably the coolest defenseman in the league (Dion Phaneuf) Calgary is the kind of team you want to be around. They’re that cool.

Last season was a down one of sorts for the players of the Red Mile. Jerome Iginla had a good season, scoring more than 50 goals for the second time, but the rest of the offence got off to a slow start and they ended up finishing 7^th, losing to San Jose in the first round of the playoffs. This year, they’ve added Todd Bertuzzi, who continued his downward spiral into nothingness last season in Florida/Anahiem. Calgary is a great place to watch the game but possibly top 3 (after New York Rangers and Toronto) to go out after the game! Ooo the memories of fans swarming 17^th Avenue after a game in 2004. They might squeak into the playoffs or miss them entirely but it’s hard not to like this team because of Phaneuf.

CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS (40-34-8 88pts)

Projected Finish: 4^th

Degrassi Character: Tessa Campinelli

Tessa was of course the little girl who used to be seen chasing Scooter around the grade 7 classroom in the middle seasons, but when it came time for the big finale, guys everywhere took notice as to just how much this kid grew up and was ready to play! All of a sudden she’s dating stoners (no more of that loser Alex) and helping Joey Jeremiah cheat on Caitlin! (The line “you were f*&$ing Tessa Campinelli?” was uttered twice in the same scene by two different characters, so even in the Degrassi universe they knew this was a big deal) The Chicago Blackhawks are the exact same way. (This may be the genesis of the adjective “Tessa”, meaning a team or player who is ready to emerge from nothing to take the league by storm)

Last year everyone was talking about Crosby and Malkin being the best one-two punch in the league, well this year I am one of those who cannot wait to watch Jonathon Toews and Patrick Kane. (Even as much as I love Rick Nash’s goal, I still think Toews’ was a better move. You almost get the feeling the announcer wants to hug his analyst.) Even better, they went out and spent big money on Brian Campbell who would have us all running for our lives if we were playing darts, but can still play some solid D and chip in with a goal or two here and there. Also signed up is Christobal Huet who backstopped Washington to their division title last year (even though they got bounced in the first round, an event which I still refuse to discuss or think of) so needless to say, the thought of watching the ‘Hawks this year has me frothing at the mouth.

COLORADO AVALANCE (44-31-7 95pts)

Projected Finish: 10^th

Degrassi Character: Alexa Pappadopolous

You know why we all hated Alexa? Because she was just always there. She didn’t contribute much and didn’t take away much, but she was always around. She wouldn’t go away. (And Simon never got around to totally losing it on her. I mean, you’ve seen the show, could YOU put up with all that? Should’ve been a strangling) She wasn’t even the character you loved to hate; she was the one you just plain hated. The Avalanche are the same way in the fact that they were so good for so long, and now they’re not nearly as good but still won’t go away.

Last year the Avs dispatched the Wild in a series I’m not sure anyone remembers anything about, then got swept by the Wings in a series everyone celebrated because the Avs were done. This year they still have the goalie whose name nobody seems to be able to pronounce (Budaj?) and although they lost Jose Theodore they gained Andrew Raycroft so I’m not seeing a ton of wins this season. Joe Sakic is back to pad his stats as the all time most underrated NHL player not named Gartner and Adam Foote returns as well. All in all this team will more than likely flutter around the 9 or 10 spot and then make a charge to the postseason again. Will anyone other than my friend Stewart care? All together now: HELLLZ NO! (Sorry buddy, Go Broncos!)

COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS (34-36-12 80pts)

Projected Finish: 13^th

Degrassi Character: Claude Tanner

Let’s just put it this way. Claude was a loser guy who dressed like a pirate and when Caitlin stopped seeing him because he bailed on her during a midnight spray painting fiesta of a warehouse that was supposedly making nuclear weapons and the police came and only she got caught he then shot himself in the bathroom at Degrassi. Follow all that? Long story short, Claude committed suicide and that’s pretty much what the Jackets need to do at this point.

The fact that I like this team should be testament to the fact that I’m being unbiased right now, but there is nothing, I repeat NOTHING to look forward to this season in Columbus. The last few seasons were seasons of possible hope. If a few things went the right way, maybe just maybe they could sneak in as an 8^th seed. This season, too many teams have gotten too good and this team has gotten worse. There are two diamonds in the rough. Rick Nash, who desperately needs someone to play with, (kind of like Ernie and Bert. Sure you’ll take Ernie by himself but he’s much better when he has Bert to make fun of) and Pascal LeClaire who has what it takes to win a cup, he just needs 16 other guys to help him out.

During the offseason they traded their supposed No 2 forward (Nikolai Zherdev) and lost their No 1 defenseman to free agency (Ron Hainsey) and replaced them by paying way too much for Mike Commodore (maybe his huge red hair was taxed) and R.J. Umberger (mmm Umberger) who scored a ton in the playoffs last season, but that doesn’t matter because this team is going nowhere near the playoffs. You can hear the gun shot. Snake don’t go in there!

DALLAS STARS (45-30-7 97pts)

Projected Finish: 8^th

Degrassi Character: Allison Hunter (I didn’t know she had a last name either! She’s also on the right in the photo)

Oh, Allison. What a shame you didn’t get a single story line (unless you count the argument her and Amy got in over Snake and then began demanding each other’s clothes back, which almost led to a strip scene.) You were just there. A face in the crowd that casual fans wouldn’t recognize but us die hards always spotted. In the Degrassi drinking game spotting Allison meant someone had to take three drinks (seeing Maya motor around on her wheelchair was only two) and much like Allison, the Dallas Stars are just sort of there.

Mike Modano is still around. Marty Turco is still there. They’ve added Sean Avery. All of this amounts to a huge yawn. They’re not a threat to win the Cup, and not a threat to miss the playoffs. They’re a filler team. One of those teams who’s gonna get their wins and losses and come the 2^nd round they’ll either be out or on their way out. Just getting back to Allison for a second, every guy was disappointed when Joey wanted her and Amy to appear in bikinis for the Zit Remedy video and Lucy said she wouldn’t shoot it if that was the case. Every Stars fan will be subsequently disappointed if the Ducks somehow nudge the Stars out of the playoffs. (Lucy strikes down Allison again!)

DETROIT RED WINGS (54-21-7 115pts)

Projected Finish: 1^st

Degrassi Character: Mr. Raditch

Everyone knows the real ruler over the Degrassi Universe was not Joey, or Lucy or any of the teenage characters. It was Mr. Raditch and his condescending greeting: “Good morning Scholars”. He made the rules, dictated the flow of the classroom and punished those who didn’t obey his commands. Just like the Detroit Red Wings.

There has not been a team the last decade who has dictated regular season play like the team from the Motor City. They come to play, play by their rules, and all the other teams have to adjust in order to have a chance, and don’t expect that to change in 2009. The Wings return all of their core guys (the Zetterburgs, Lidstroms, and Datsuyks) and to top it off they added Marian Hossa. They also have a player who’s about as old as Raditch, one Chris Chelios who if he wasn’t American we’d be checking his birth records just to make sure he wasn’t 57.

The goaltending remains stellar and even though the Blackhawks have improved a ton, it’s still the Wing’s division to lose. Don’t bet on them going down.

EDMONTON OILERS (41-35-6 88pts)

Projected Finish: 3^rd

Degrassi Character: Yick Yu

Yick had one of the most remarkable 180s in the shows history. At the beginning, he was this nerdy Asian kid who was bad in school, he was really shy and the only friend he had was the epitome of nerdy ness known as Arthur. Once he got to high school however, he was smoking cigarettes (among other things), had a new self confidence and basically left Arthur in the dust. Welcome to your Yick years Oilers, you’ve left everyone behind and are ready to show off your new cool threads.

The Oilers made the Stanley Cup final three years ago in large part thanks to two guys who have disappeared since (Roloson and Pasani). This year, they have Sheldon Souray, Shawn Horcoff and Ethan Morneau who will rebound from injury and draft picks Sam Gagner and Andrew Cogliano are going to enter their primes. Also don’t forget about Ales Hemsky who is turning into a scoring monster and should be good for 30+ goals on the slick Edmonton ice. This team finished strong last year and almost made the postseason falling short by but a few points in April. This year, with the help that a lot of their division is middle of the pack, they should contend for the division title.

LOS ANGELES KINGS (32-43-7 71pts)

Projected Finish: 15^th

Degrassi Character: Kathleen Mead

The Kings play in Los Angeles. Kathleen lived in East Toronto. The only thing these two have in common is that both have had catastrophic things go wrong for them in 3 years. Kathleen’s problems were best said by Melanie during a midnight toke session in season 5: “I don’t see what the big deal is. You had anorexia! Your mom is an alcoholic and your boyfriend beat you up! Most people would need counselling for any ONE of those things!” In other words, one seriously screwed up little girl.

The Kings haven’t made the playoffs since 2002, but it could be said that there have been massive problems since Adam Deadmarsh stole the puck in overtime and set up Eric Belanger to help eliminate the Wings in 2001. None of the free agent signings have worked out (Ziggy Palffy to name just one, oh and Felix Potvin ended his career in sunny L.A.) and many of their draft picks have blown up. Last season there were a couple of bright spots, one being Anze Kopitar, who already must be the greatest Slovenian hockey player ever (he averages almost a point per game) as well as Patrick O’Sullivan who scored 20 goals. This year hopefully will be a building block towards a better tomorrow for the Kings, but expect at a few more beatings along the way.

MINNESOTA WILD (44-28-10 98pts)

Projected Finish: 11^th

Degrassi Character: Heather Farrell (the slightly less cool twin)

The Minnesota Wild are a quick team. They don’t have a ton of muscle but they’re very fast both up front and on defence. The goaltending is solid and if a couple of teams in the Northwest screw up (and you know at least one will) they could be in position to make the playoffs yet again. This kind of resembles the situation of a certain team in the Eastern Conference who will be compared to a similar Degrassi Character. All in all, the Wild are an ok team and the people of St. Paul deserve better.

Actually, Minneapolis deserves better. I’ve long been an advocate that if you’re going to move a couple teams around in the NHL, the first thing that has to be done is Winnipeg needs their team back. Secondly, lose one of the Florida teams, axe Atlanta and Nashville and put a second team in southern Ontario. Thirdly, a second team NEEDS to go in Minnesota, possibly the most hockey crazy place on earth that’s not in Canada. (Personally I think not only could they support two teams, but Vermont could support one, and Rhode Island could support one. But that’s another column altogether) The Wild have sold out nearly every home game in their existence and unlike that of the Avalanche, they haven’t been great for all of their existence (sure enough, the Avs stopped selling out games a couple of years ago) so that should tell you something. Getting a ticket at the XL Energy Center is like Canada collectively voting NDP. It’s just not going to happen. Now that I’ve calmed down, Minnesota needs things to go right to have a shot. I think I’m repeating myself; now ‘I’ve’ turned into Heather.

NASHVILLE PREDATORS (41-32-9 91pts)

Projected Finish: 12^th

Degrassi Character: Mr. Colby

Ok, I sort of copped out by comparing the Predators to Mr. Colby. Mr. Colby was the substitute who um, wanted Lucy(?) well before she prettied up in high school. He took a liking to her and would put his arm around her and might have tried to kiss her if Voula hadn’t intervened and said something. However, there are similarities between the character and the team aside from the word “Predator”. Rumours circulated about him, yet the very next year he came back to teach at Degrassi and made a move on another student (this girl doesn’t need a name) which is kind of like Nashville: They’re still in the league despite all the bad rumours. Just give me this one ok?

JP Dumont and Jason Arnott (yes, he’s still in the league) lead the Preds up front while Marek Zidlicky heads up an otherwise unimpressive D line. The big news this summer was Alexander Radulov “defecting” to the new KHL in Russia, which started a big contract war between the two leagues. (Is it just me, or were the first wave of Russian players named Sergei and now they’re all named Alexander. You just know one named Rasputin is coming) The goaltending is average, and while Nashville isn’t the worst team in their division by a long shot they won’t make the playoffs.

PHOENIX COYOTES (38-37-7 83pts)

Projected Finish: 5^th

Degrassi Character: Patrick (the guy who dated Spike for a few minutes)

First of all, if you don’t remember Patrick it’s ok. He was a very low key character in the high school years, only appearing a few times mostly to go out with Spike. He is also responsible for one of my favourite lines in the history of the show. I’ve used this line in real life and it absolutely works. Let’s break it down, Patrick asks Spike out for a walk, and they see an ice cream vendor. Patrick offers to buy Spike one, but Spike, not wanting to fully accept that she’s a) on a date and not just a walk and b) that not all guys are like her ex Shane, tells him that she can pay for her own because “I’ve got my own money thanks”. He looks at her, and says in a charming way that only the Irish can: “Ok then, well while you’re at it, you can pay for mine too.” Brilliant strategy. Ok, what does this have to do with Phoenix? Well, I like what they’ve done on paper. They look to have a decent chance at winning their division this year, and much like Patrick from Degrassi, they’re fun and charming but it’s a shame we won’t be able to see much of them. (Because they’re a west team and unless you have the Center Ice package you’ll get one of their games all year probably)

The Great One enters his fourth year behind the bench of the Coyotes and this figures to be the best one he’s put on the ice. Shane Doan is still the captain but he’s got a lot of young talent surrounding him, such as Radim Vrbata and new trade in Ollie Jokinen. Ed Jovanoskvi heads up the defence and Ilya Bryzgalov (still the greatest goalie interview of the last 10 years) is actually not a bad goalie. Could you imagine? The Coyotes will be a fun team to watch this year, and I really hope they make the playoffs. There’s something to be said that this team was in Winnipeg all those years, started the tradition of the whiteout, and the hockey ignorant community of Phoenix, Arizona have continued that tradition whenever the Yoti’s have made the playoffs. I miss those whiteouts. The other colours just don’t do the same. (The red of Calgary and now Washington is close though)

SAN JOSE SHARKS (49-23-10 108pts)

Projected Finish: 2^nd

Degrassi Character: Michelle Accette

Michelle was the soft spoken and extremely undervalued (looks wise) girl at Degrassi. She didn’t get to walk down the aisle in the end like Alexa, didn’t go through a massive life changing setback like Spike, and actually wasn’t even in the School’s Out movie at all. Believe me, I looked high and low for her on the DVD. I liked Michelle. I feel about her the same way I feel about the Sharks. They’re a nice team. They have a lot of talent up front and a solid guy in goal, but alas, much like Michelle, they’re just not going to get the prize in the end.

When you talk about the Sharks you begin with Joe Thornton. He’s still one of the Top 5 guys in the league and if Jonathon Cheechoo can prove he wasn’t the biggest one season wonder since Gary Leeman, Thornton should be in the running for the Art Ross Trophy again this season. All I keep hearing from people is that the Sharks lost Brian Campbell to free agency, but they only had him for 20 games last year so it shouldn’t be that big a setback. They also acquired Dan Boyle and signed 53 year old Rob Blake, so they should be solid on defence. Evgeni Nabokov will see his share of rubber but he’s sturdy between the pipes.

ST. LOUIS BLUES (33-36-13 79pts)

Projected Finish: 14^th

Degrassi Character: Liz O’Rourke

There was only one person on the show who was freakier than Spike, especially in the early years when Spike was actually kind of freaky. That person was Liz, and there were some girls on Degrassi that you just didn’t want to take out. Liz was probably near or at the top of most people’s girl list. (Dwayne would HAVE to top the guy list wouldn’t he? It’s a no brainer right?) We eventually found out why Liz was so strange. After hearing and seeing (sort of) that she was molested by her mom’s boyfriend, it turned into one of those “I think I would have rather not known” sagas. The Blues are same thing. I don’t know anything about the Blues other than that they’re not good, and to be honest, I don’t want to know either. Just leave them alone. (I’ll be honest, those scenes with little Liz crack me up. I know they’re supposed to be all serious but it’s such a cheaply made show and when the boyfriend who’s about 40 says “Come on Liz, you know you’d like it”, you can’t help laughing. This is why I love Degrassi, maybe the biggest cornucopia of unintentional humour of all time)

The Blues boast Brad Boyes, maybe the best Maple Leaf draft pick since Wendal Clark 22 years ago. They also have Keith Tkachuk (yes, he’s still in the league too. Someone has to make a list of guys we thought would be out of the league by now but are somehow still in and playing in remote locations like St. Louis, Nashville or Atlanta. Next we’re going to hear Manny Legace is still in the league) and center Andy Macdonald. After that, not a whole lot however, which means the Blues goalie (OMG it’s Manny Legace!!) will have his work cut out for him. Let’s be honest here, the Blues have been horrid since the work stoppage and are not a threat to make the playoffs this year. The only thing they’ve done in the last 3 years is ended the career of the only Japanese goalie in NHL history. Well done boys!

VANCOUVER CANUCKS (39-33-10 88pts)

Projected Finish: 9^th
Degrassi Character: Arthur Kobalewsky

Arthur was nerdy pretty much from his inception right through till the very end (he was absent from the movie as well; maybe he went to Europe to track down his estranged sister in law Stephanie) and with the exception of one night in which he won a ton of money from Joey, Yick and Luke playing poker, was never very big in the social scene either. Towards the end however, he had to watch silently as Yick grew up, dusted himself off and went on to bigger and better things. Much like the Yick of this preview (the Oilers), the Arthur of this preview will also be spending their season wondering why all of a sudden the other guy is much, much cooler.

The Canucks lost Brendan Morisson and Markus Naslund but still have the twins and signed Steve Bernier from Buffalo. Sami Salo and Mattias Ohlund head up the D and they have one of the top 3 goalies in the league in Roberto Luongo. I’m picking Vancouver to narrowly miss the playoffs this year because I just think their lack of firepower will catch up to them. Luongo is a great goalie, but he’s not enough to put this team over the top, not like say that guy in New Jersey. Oh wait, that’s next week’s column. Ok, see you then!