A Halloween Monster and NFL Week 9!!

It is absolutely ironic that it’s Halloween tonight and the city of Toronto has witnessed the birth of a monster. For two seasons we’ve been waiting for this player to have the kind of game he had Friday night. After a decent rookie year, he plummeted last season and there were talks that he would never become the Dirk Nowitzki type the Raptors thought he could when they drafted him first overall in 2006. Injuries, a reluctance to step up his game, poor shooting decisions and a general slowness on the court all contributed to his being mainly a 7^th or 8^th player on the team last year. Tonight however, it was a different story: 8 of 10 shooting (including a massive drive and dunk), 5 rebounds and 3 blocked shots. The city of Toronto has been waiting (im)patiently for your arrival sir. Its Halloween night and Dr. Jekyl has left the building. Andrea Bargnani, you have arrived as Mr. Hyde: A monster. We can’t wait for more.

That being said, do you hear that? Listen for it? It’s me, the SportsOne, picking up my teeth after the colossal beating I took last week in my NFL picks. Last time I write an NHL fantasy column in place of my normal NFL picks column. With that in mind, let’s go right to it. Some really REALLY bad early games this week. As always, home teams are in CAPS.

VIKINGS (-4) vs Texans

Hey, remember when the Texans played a road game? Neither do I. It was week 4 against Jacksonville. After a 2-2 home stand (what is this, the NBA?) where they should have beaten Indy and could have beaten Miami, they go back on the road where they’ve been dreadful this season. Minny hasn’t played since that shoot out in Chicago a couple weeks ago, and that being said they should be able to score points on the Texans who have two wins against teams that are 0-15. Prediction: Vikings win big and destroy any playoff hopes for Houston. Just a side note, if Green Bay and Chicago have to play out doors shouldn’t Minnesota have to as well? Detroit has enough problems; they don’t need God to add any.

Jaguars (-7.5) vs BENGALS

With the Lions almost winning in Minny three weeks ago and nearly knocking off Washington last week, the Bengals are this year’s legitimate threat to go 0-16. Words just can’t describe how much of a train wreck this team has become. They have no passing game, no running game, no defence, they’ve quit on their coach and you know they’re getting close to the point where they say “you know what? We’ve tried the whole ‘goody two shoes thing’, everyone show up for the game on Sunday filled with cocaine or weed or whatever you guys do on your summer’s off and let’s try that instead.” Meanwhile the Jags and Indy will battle countless others for one of the AFC Wild Card spots. One (or both) of these teams will not make the playoffs. Who saw that coming? Oh and reason #320 why I love Gus Johnson. (He’s calling this one for CBS)

Bucs (-8.5) vs CHIEFS

The barrage of garbage early games this Sunday continues in Kansas City where Herm Edwards is apparently still coaching. First of all, did that Larry Johnson game really happen? My Broncos should be on the receiving end of some nice Christmas cards this year from the Chiefs and Patriots (for giving their fans the only thing worth cheering about this year; however shortly afterwards BOTH of their running backs that ran through the Denver defence like Rosie to Magnolia’s are done now) and also from the guy who is currently kicking for the Saints. Even though I don’t know how the Bucs score 9 points in this game, it’s very possible the NFL will give the Chiefs a negative point for wasting the career of Tony Gonzalez.

BROWNS (-1.5) vs Ravens

Are the Browns back? Could they possibly still make the playoffs?? Consider this, they’re in the same boat as Indy, Jacksonville, Miami and Houston and a game up on San Diego and a game back of the Jets and Ravens. At this point you can pretty much give Buffalo or New England one of the wild card spots, so with eight weeks left there are potentially eight teams battling for the other wild card (and that’s assuming Denver and Pittsburgh will hang on to their division leads. I’m betting on one team to hold. Can YOU guess which one may not? *Cough* Denver) Let the madness begin!

Jets (+5.5) vs BILLS

The last time the Bills played a home game the power went out and the game was un-televised for most of the first half. I only bring this up because there’s something I need to know. How many rib tips did Greg Gumbel put away during that 90 minute stretch where he was just sitting there watching the game and not talking? (I swear there was barbecue sauce on the corner of his mouth when the 3^rd quarter resumed. I swear!) As far as this game goes, it’ll be a close game so I’m taking the Jets with the points. (I’m still listening to that “Hell Yes!” mash up, sorry)

RAMS (+3) vs Cardinals

Can the RAMS make the playoffs too? Left for dead after week 5, they’re riled off two straight wins and easily could have beaten New England last week. They’re in the right division. The Niners and Hawks are done and the Cards still can’t win on the road, even when they play a perfect offensive game in Carolina. Stephen Jackson has been on fire lately and should tear apart the shoddy Arizona D. This could be one of those games where Warner starts fumbling the ball all over the place again. Just a gambling tidbit: Whatever the over is for this game, take the over. Take it. (SportsOne’s lawyers would like to remind everyone that the SportsOne is not liable for any losses one may entail during any and all gambling sessions. Coming after the SportsOne with baseball bats, lead pipes, wrenches, ex-wives, old people, babies or anything else deemed a weapon is prohibited)

Lions (+12.5) vs BEARS

In their last three games, the Lions have almost beaten Minny, Houston and Washington. Their last blow out loss was at home against: Da Bears. As much as I don’t think the Lions can beat anyone with Orlovsky at QB I also don’t think the Lions will roll over like their AFC Central counterparts. Bears win, but not by two TD’s. I can also guarantee I will not watch a down of this game.

TITANS (-5.5) vs Packers

The Titans have begun the “Oh yeah? Well we’re undefeated and YOU’RE NOT, so there!” phase of their schedule. I see them staying perfect this week (but not after next week) as they’re at home again and seem to put anyone away in good ol’ Tennessee. Meanwhile, I’m fairly convinced that Raptors TV has a deal with the people at Kids Help Phone as this “bully” commercial has played at least a dozen times during the Phoenix-New Orleans game tonight. It’s rapidly climbing the unintentional comedy scale as we speak. The first time it was effective, now I just want to laugh hysterically at this “bully” when he asks if the kids “mom gave him that haircut?” It’s not at the level of this, but what is? (Seriously, that guy must get “say the chocolate bars line” over and over and over wherever he goes!)

BRONCOS (-3) vs Dolphins

The B-Men have had two weeks to stew over that God-awful game in New England where Sammy Morris turned into Bo Jackson from Tecmo Bowl right before our eyes. I still don’t know what to make of this Miami team. Denver needs this one more than Miami seeing as A) they’re at home, B) they’ve lost two straight and C) with the Chargers off this week can go two up in the AFC AAA division. Just a side note, seeing as its Halloween, they really need to start marketing the “Mike Shanahan scowl” mask. You know the one where he shows his two front teeth? This could be big.

GIANTS (-8.5) vs Cowboys

The Cowboys somehow won last week against Tampa. How I’m not so sure; it was a boring game. The Giants went into Pittsburgh and whipped the Steelers intercepting Big Ben four times. Could it be? Are the Giants really destined to win back to back championships despite having zero “star” players in their lineup? (Note: As long as Peyton is still in the league Eli will always be thought of as second tier) I’m beginning to think so. Man they’re efficient. The ‘Boys meanwhile are finished until Romo gets back from his vacation with Tom Brady. (You just KNOW they’re together with their babes somewhere right?)

Eagles (-6) vs SEAHAWKS

Seattle went into San Fran last week and destroyed the 49ers leading to 49ers coach Mike Singletary giving us the best Coach tirade of the year by far! It wasn’t on par with classics like “Playoffs? Playoffs!?!?! We’re lucky to win a damn game!”, “Why do we play? We play to WIN THE GAME” or “They are WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!” but it was still fun. Meanwhile the Eagles remain lucky this week and beat them 24-17 or something along those lines.

COLTS (-6) vs Patriots

This is it for the Colts. Win and they can still make it to January. Lose and they’re more than likely done. That said, they have no excuse to lose this game at home and I can’t see the Pats winning here. Somehow New England is 5-2 through the first half of the season despite having a nothing passing game for the entire season and a nothing running game for almost half of the season. (See Broncos preview above) Indy will not lose this game. You can book that too. (Note from SportsOne’s lawyers: He’s on his own on this one. Do what you will)

REDSKINS (-2) vs Steelers

After the beat down that the Giants D gave the Steelers last week they travel to Washington to take on another NFC East team. Pitt is 0-2 vs the NFC East this season and they’re offence has managed about 23 yards and 17 INTS in those two games. I don’t see the ‘Skins D putting up massive numbers but they’ll be able to squeak it out against the Steelers who are a prime example of how the power has shifted from the AFC to the NFC. In other news, Fantasy Football quote of the year thus far. “Willie Parker: Questionable for Monday’s game: Coach Mike Tomlin was very confident that Parker may play on Monday.” Thank you Tomlin for expressing your confidence that Parker may possibly suit up. Next time just come out and say “Unless he shows up dead on Monday, I may play him.”

Last Week: 4-8-1

Season: 61-51-3