Farewell to the 2008 NFL Season - Some highs and lows

There’s only one game left, Super Bowl XLIII! So this is obviously the last NFL column until next fall. With that in mind, lets take a trip down memory lane and look at the year that was the 2008 NFL Season. Here are some week by week highlights:

Week 1: Obviously it’s Bernard Pollard knocking Tom Brady out for the year season and ruining fantasy leagues the world over. The guy in my league who had him went 1-13!

Week 2: Two words: Ed Hochuli.

Week 3: From a football standpoint, Miami going into New England and obliterating the Patriots with their Wildcat Offence. Ronnie Brown was THE week 4 fantasy pickup of the year. From a personal standpoint, either benching TJ Houshmanzadeh against the Giants where he scored two TD’s and caught over 100 yards, thus ruining my chances of going 3-0 in my league, or U of T crushing York 58-7. York students must have known it was going to be a crappy fall when you lose a game to a team that two weeks earlier hadn’t won a game in seven years. And you lose that game by 51.

Week 4: Well, it has nothing to do with football, but the greatest thing ever recorded at Shea Stadium still tops the list. In football news, Larry Johnson came out of his coma and destroyed my Broncos (would have made the playoffs if they had won), the ‘Skins went into big D and destroyed the Cowboys (also would have made the playoffs if they had won) and a girl I was sort of seeing came over for what ended up being the final time. In retrospect, week 4 was awful.

Week 5: One of the highlights of the year: Texans backup QB Sage Rosenfels attempting his own version of the John Elway helicopter dive from Super Bowl XXXII and fumbling the ball, in turn giving Peyton Manning a chance to run the Colts down the field for the winning score. I love how my two favourites included backup QB’s. The next one happened the week after…

Week 6: THE highlight of the year: Lions backup QB Dan Orlovsky scrambling in his own end zone and trying to avoid the sack, then running OUT of the end zone for the safety anyway, only he doesn’t realize he’s out and is still looking for a receiver for about 3 seconds. I will never tire of watching this. Also on the list: Wendel Clark breaking Curtis Joseph’s mask with a slap shot during the 1993 Norris Finals, Tiger Woods’ chip on the 16^th hole at the 2005 Masters, Gus Johnson calling Vermont’s upset win over Syracuse in the 2005 NCAA tournament, and any movie involving Bree Olson.

Week 7: Lowlight of the year: New England annihilating Denver on MNF. The only game the Pats running game won all year, and it was against my B-Men. Oh, and putting the ball on the ground 3 times in a row didn’t help either. At least Brad Johnson got his final taste of NFL football this week. Go Rams!

Week 8: Easily Chargers/Saints in London. My buddy Jimbo was in England at the time and said the whole place was watching the game. It was like a party. That the game turned out to be one of the most entertaining of the regular season didn’t hurt either.

Week 9: Either Cincy winning for the first time and Chad Johnson catching a touchdown and pretending to float around like an angel waving his arms (classic) or listening to Gus Johnson’s “Hell Yes!” mashup. It’s tough to call. Week 9 was also the week I jinxed my Broncos by stating that I assumed Pittsburgh would hang onto its division lead and Denver wouldn’t. Sometimes I don’t like being right.

Week 10: Lowlight: That we were robbed of what could have been the greatest extra point call in the history of man kind. Chiefs down by 7 with less than 15 seconds to go, Gus Johnson calling the game, they get the score and instead of tying the game and going to overtime they elect to go for two and lose. It was the right call, but I still would have loved to hear Gus’ head explode as the ball went through the uprights. Oh and Marques Tuiasosopo’s appearance in Oakland was one of the great unexpected highlights of the year.

Week 11: So much happened in week 11 it’s scary. We had that Thursday night game in New England where Matt Cassell teased the Patriot fans with his Brady-esque performance in a losing effort. We had Denver somehow winning on the road in Atlanta, as well as Cleveland somehow winning on the road in Buffalo. We had a tie game, and a massive beat down in Green Bay as the Packers clobbered the Bears 37-3. But the highlight for me was betting on the Steelers to cover the spread (it was 4.5) and then just as it seemed Pittsburgh would win 11-10, Troy Palamalu returned an errant lateral into the end zone for the score to make it 17-10, thus giving the SportsOne the win. But no, the officials changed the call, ending my chance to win that weekend and leading to at least two more instances where Palamalu would intercept a ball and attempt to get into the end zone if it killed him. (He finally did it in the AFC Championship game. Good job by him!)

Week 12: If you’re leading at home by 17 points in the first half, and then end up losing by MORE than 17, you just might go 0-16 in the regular season.

Week 13: If you lose by 37 points at home on Thanksgiving Day, you just might go 0-16 in the regular season. Also, Houston unveiled their Bloody uniforms this week. Hey, they won.

Week 14: Dolphins vs Bills in Toronto. Ok, that wasn’t much of a highlight other than just something that happened. Detroit on Thanksgiving was louder than the SkyDome for this game. I said it before and I’ll say it again: By the end of the 2010 season the Bills pull out of this deal.

Week 15: Not so much a highlight as a “WTF” moment. If the Chiefs hang onto an onside kick attempt, they win and Denver stamps their ticket to the playoffs. But no, they fumble it, the Chargers get it back and we all know what happened the rest of the way. I still remember getting out of the shower and calling my buddy Stewart for a little “Denver in the Playoffs” celebration and then seeing that SD had come back to win. It was an awful day; worse than week 4.

Week 16: Maybe the best game of the season was played in New York this week. It was the NFC Championship we all expected; oh well. Another lowlight: My friend Margaret happily texting me updates on the Denver-Buffalo game while I was on the train to London.

Week 17: Detroit losing in Green Bay to go to 0-16. Dallas getting gang beaten by a possessed Philly team, the Bears and Bucs BOTH losing allowing the Eagles to make the playoffs with the win, the obligatory Week 17 Jim Sorgi appearance in Indy, Brett Favre helping to end the Patriots season by giving the game to Miami, Houston finishing on a high note and giving all of us a reason to make them our “sleeper” team next year for the fourth time in six seasons, and of course, fulfilling my prophecy from two months earlier, Denver going into San Diego and getting crushed by the flea that is Darren Sproles and thus becoming the only team in the history of the league to lead their division from the first game till the final game of the season and then not make the playoffs. Well done boys. Well done indeed.

On the plus side I’m 6-4 with my playoff picks so guaranteed to go over .500 which is all anyone really wants. So for Super Bowl XLIII I am picking with my heart and not my head because there is no way on earth I want to be cheering against the story that is the Arizona Cardinals.

CARDINALS (+7) vs Steelers

The relationship between me and the state of Arizona dates back to 1994. You see, I have been there. In the summer of 1994 we all packed into the 1994 Plymouth Voyager and drove, yes drove, from London to Phoenix, with stops in St. Louis, Flagstaff, and the Grand Canyon along the way. We also made our way to Tombstone; site of the famous gunfight at the OK Corral as well as some desert movie studio theme park in Tucson. But all that stuff doesn’t matter, because it was in Phoenix where the real stuff happened.

The Phoenix Cardinals (as they were called in those days) had begun preseason football, so for the two weeks I was there they were the only game in town. It was the first time I had ever been to an NFL city during the actual NFL season (or preseason). It was also during my time in Phoenix that I begun using the Cards’ as my team of choice in Tecmo Bowl on my SNES. (Steve Buerlein, Garrison Hearst (yes he got injured all the time in the game too) and Mr Head Hunter himself, Chuck Cecil.) Obviously the Cardinals team I fielded in the game performed way better than the one in real life, but that didn’t matter. From that point on there was always a soft spot in my football heart for this complete waste of a franchise.

Football aside, Phoenix was also the first (and so far only) time I have ever seen a hippo in real life. I don’t know why, but I love hippos. Love them. Read into it if you want to, but hippos are my favourite animals on earth and BOTH of the zoos in NYC didn’t have them. (I’ve been told the one here in Toronto has some, but really, who has the time to go way out there?) It was also in Phoenix where my brothers and I discovered exactly how to do the super fast “mushroom” start on Super Mario Kart. That easily shaved three to five seconds off our time trial times on Ghost Valley 1. But even that wasn’t the biggest thing that happened.

It was in Phoenix, on a scorching hot day, that my middle brother, perhaps subconsciously punishing me for years of psychological torture, smashed me in the forehead with a steel beam (so there you go, THAT’S what happened) causing me to pass out in a pool of blood in the pool. (The ladder you used to get into the pool was loose. You could pull this huge bar to the side, and it would spring back to the center. My brother Matt called me over, pulled it back and THWACK! Right in the forehead. It was a scene, man.) A short visit to a plastic surgeon and some stitches later, and I was good as new (on the outside anyway). That is the single biggest memory for all of us of our trip to Phoenix. So you’re asking yourself: What the hell does any of this have to do with football and why the Cardinals will win on Sunday?

The answer: Nothing. Nothing at all. I personally think Pittsburgh should win the game. They had the best defence in the game all year, and have a QB who although he gets sacked far too often, can scramble and make plays in the face of danger. On the Arizona side, their success depends on whether or not they can move the football on Pittsburgh. Their defence has over achieved all postseason and are due for a let down. To tell you the truth, I would be shocked if Arizona won the game. But I would really love for that to happen.

The franchise has won nothing for sixty years. They had never hosted a playoff game in Arizona before this year. They had one playoff win in twenty years. The Lions at least had Barry Sanders for a decade. The Saints at least have New Orleans. The Steelers may win a close game (7 points for a team that doesn’t score a lot is too many) but it would really make me happy to see Kurt Warner winning the championship for a team that has had zero successes since the 50s. It really would.

SportsOne’s take: Arizona 27, Pittsburgh 24

Last Week: 2-0

Playoffs: 6-4

Season: 135-125-8

Oh, and my brother Jordan (when he was 7) bought a Cardinals hat at a mall outside of Phoenix. You’ve been waiting 15 years to wear it kid, wear it loud and proud on Sunday. Enjoy the game everyone.

Jay Triano - The Teacher

When Jay Triano took over the coaching duties for the Toronto Raptors on December 4, there was a sense of optimism that perhaps he could turn the team around. After going 10-19 since, it’s apparent that the Raptors season is done. At 18-28 they still have a chance at postseason play, but little to no chance of making it past the first round. Realistically it’s a three dog race in the East. But something has happened since Mitchell was let go, and it’s something that could prove to be a turning point in the franchise: Triano has not emerged as the coach the Raptors wanted him to be; he’s emerged as the teacher the Raptors needed him to be.

When he took over the team, Andrea Bargnani was a quasi starter with the team. Andrea (I refuse to type out his last name again) would have a great game and follow it with two or three duds. Remember when I wrote on Halloween that he’d arrived? Well he followed that performance up with a goose-egg in Milwaukee the next night. He’s been hot and cold since he got here and we’ve been waiting for him to at least MEET our expectations on a regular basis. I remember talking with my buddy Phil back in November and asking if he’d rather have Andrea with all his potential or a player like Josh Boone. Based on salaries, we both picked Boone. But then something happened. While Triano isn’t winning games, he has turned this potential bust into an emerging superpower. Is it too early to start getting giddy? Yes probably, but consider the numbers:

In the first eleven games after Triano took over, Andrea averaged 6.9/3.8 while playing an average of 23.5 minutes a game. Since January 1^st, he’s up it to (this will kill you) 20.8/6.7 over 37.0 minutes a game. Sure, his minutes are up thirteen per game these days, but his rebounding is up almost 80% and his scoring is up over 300%! Think about that number for a second. Three Hundred. When was the last time ANYTHING was up three hundred percent? Even a pack of smokes hasn’t gone up 300% since the great cigarette price drop of 1993.

Triano might not have the credentials that a lot of NBA coaches, but he does have experience trying to get the most out of players who might not be on par with some of the others around. Case in point: He was the coach of the Canadian Olympic Basketball team in Sydney. That team, if you recall, came the closet any team has ever come to reaching the semi-finals and thus, getting a shot at a medal. He guided them as best he could and served as a teacher and mentor to a lot of them. Steve Nash was on that team and while a lot of what he did in Phoenix is attributed to Mike D’Antoni, perhaps Jay Triano had a helping hand in turning him into the player who won back to back MVP’s as well.

Andrea will probably not win any awards of that calibre. He still has a lot of maturing to do. He’s only 23 years old. However, his strong play of late is because of the work Jay Triano has done. The man simply knows how to get inside a young player’s head and make him the best he can be. After years of coaches, the Raptors put their future into the hands of a teacher; it might turn out to be the best move they ever made.

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NHL Mid-Season Report Cards! A's all around!

Well that was a fun three months. We’re halfway through the season and a lot has happened. The Penguins are mired in a slump (although they just won in Philly but dropped a pair to Washington and Carolina), the Bruins are killing everyone (though they just lost to the Blues) and Columbus is threatening to remove themselves from the prestigious “Only NHL team to never have made the playoffs” stigma (although they just lost a game in Edmonton in which they led 3-2 in the third. Some things never change). All that means is that it’s time to bang out the mid season report cards! (Oh, and to be nice I’ve decided to award each team an “A” and focus only on the positive points)

HAROLD BALLARD DIVISION

30. New York Islanders

Two positive points: 1) You’re ever closer to landing the most ping pong balls in the Jon Tavares sweepstakes. (for all you Hedman supporters, look: The Isle NEEDS a scorer like Tavares. They need him bad. They need to bring people back to the Nassau the same way the Capitals needed to bring people to Chinatown and the way the Penguins needed to bring people to their garbage arena. Jonathon Tavares will fill seats. As much as I’d like to see him in a Toronto uniform next year, he needs to land on Long Island. For the good of the league. God help me. Oh and) 2) Only 12 more years until you’ve ridden yourself of the Rick DiPietro contract!! Grade: A

29. Ottawa Senators

Good job by the Senators for helping prove once again that it is nearly impossible to compete in this league when you have almost $25M invested in three players. Hurray that the Sens have two viable players they can trade to help stockpile draft picks. Kudos to the Ottawa management for having the foresight to sign them to these contracts NOT so as to have the Sens win the Cup but to one day be in a position where they can trade them away for future endeavours before either one of them is 30!! Grade: A+

28. Atlanta Thrashers

Hurray! They just made Ilya Kovalchuck the captain. He’ll be traded before the end of next season!! Grade: A

27. Toronto Maple Leafs

The Leafs are finally playing the way we all thought they could, nay, SHOULD play all the year. Sadly, the Islanders are running away with the coveted “Most Ping Balls” award but Tomas Kaberle finally said he’s open to a trade if he’s convinced the team and the fans don’t want him anymore. Well, its a few years late but good job by him. Grade: A

JOHN FERGUSON JR DIVISION

26. Tampa Bay Lightning

Martin St Louis and Vinny LaCalvalier are turning into the “Malone & Stockton” of the NHL. They’re great but because they play in exile in Tampa (or in Utah) nobody ever gets to watch. On the flip side, Vinny might be out and on his way to Montreal soon. Good job by Tampa for getting rid of a huge contract and setting a good example for their expansion cousins in Ottawa. Grade: A

25. St Louis Blues

We just beat the Bruins in Boston!! We just beat the Bruins in Boston!! Grade: A

24. Los Angeles Kings

The Kings are getting there. No, not the playoffs, to a point where they can be competitive game in and game out. Loved the way they played Detroit last week. Patrick O’Sullivan is good. Ok, nothing the Kings do warrants two exclamation points. Oh well, in the spirit of the season: Grade: A

23. Nashville Predators

Quietly have the best defenceman in the league. Shh. You don’t even know his name yet, but he’s there. Call it an early Norris pick. Grade: A

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?

22. Dallas Stars

Got rid of Sean Avery (really? That’s happened SINCE my quarterly review?) and the Stars are on a roll. Grade: A+

21. Florida Panthers

I refuse to buy into this team seeing as their best player is on the trading block and will be gone before the end of February. But at least they’re still doing something with almost nothing. That being said, Tomas Vokun is still the league’s poster boy for the “I Wish I Hadn’t Chased The Money” group founded by former Rockies pitcher Mike Hampton. Grade: A

20. Colorado Avalanche

Yes, it’s been confirmed: Both Ryan Smyth and Darcy Tucker do indeed still play in the NHL. Grade: A

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGICAL MIRACLES LIKE THE COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS ACTUALLY MAKING THE PLAYOFFS?

19. Columbus Blue Jackets

Best goalie in the league the last two months. They need something extra at the trade deadline before people in central Ohio can stage a mini-Vancouver type riot. Grade: A

WE GOT A NEW PLAYER AND WE’RE SCREWED

18. Vancouver Canucks

Good news: Luongo is back and ready to play. Better news: Mats Sundin WILL be in shape before the end of his contract! Grade: A

WE LOST A PLAYER AND WE’RE SCREWED

17. Minnesota Wild

Their big trade bait, Marian Gaborik, is done until probably after the trade deadline which means instead of getting 75 cents on the dollar for his expiring contract they’ll get closer to 50 or 60. Nothing more to say here; it’s just a crappy turn of events. (See? I can be sombre when it’s warranted!) Grade: DNF

WE’RE SCREWED FOR NO APPARENT REASON

16. Pittsburgh Penguins

For now they are, but they’ll be fine. Just go here and you’ll see. It’ll be fine, everything is just fine. It’s fine. Grade: A

YOU HEAR THAT? HE WAS GETTIN’ THERE!!

15. Edmonton Oilers

14. Carolina Hurricanes

13. Phoenix Coyotes

12. Anaheim Ducks

11. Buffalo Sabres

Five teams in this group. All of which I could see finishing anywhere from 6^th to 10^th in their conferences. Edmonton still has a shot at 3^rd I suppose. Either way, for fans in Buffalo, Edmonton, Carolina and Anaheim it’ll be an interesting next 40 games. If there were fans in Phoenix, the Globe & Mail wouldn’t have run a front page story about how much in the red your team is. At least it matches their uniforms. Grade: A’s all around!

POTENTIALLY SCARY COME APRIL

10. New York Rangers

They’ve cooled off since that torrid start but still boast one of the best goalies in the league. You could say they could use more firepower up front, but nevertheless still a scary team come playoff time. Goaltending in the

playoffs is everything. Grade: A

9. New Jersey Devils

Brendan Shanahanahan is back in the swamp and probably misses the green on the uniforms. That being said, the Devils are starting to gel. Obviously you put Brodeur back in the pipes when he’s back right? I wonder…Grade: A

8. Calgary Flames

Goaltending again is the key to the Flames success. Kipprusoff is as steady as it comes but something just doesn’t sit right with this Calgary club. Sure they won 9 of 10, but…But nothing. 9 of 10 is a great stretch. Here! Here! Grade: A

JUST WAIT TILL WE GET DANIEL BRIERE BACK

7. Philadelphia Flyers

Oops. He’s coming back tonight against Atlanta. The Flyers just became the team nobody wants to play in the first round of the playoffs. (In the east anyway) Grade: A

ON AUTO-PILOT TILL THE PLAYOFFS

6. Chicago Blackhawks

5. Montreal Canadiens

Neither of these teams will win their divisions. Both will more than likely finish 4^th in their respective conferences. The Habs will get either New Jersey or the Rangers; whoever finishes second to the Flyers. (That’s right, I’m calling the Atlantic Division for Philadelphia right now) Chicago on the other hand HAS to be praying that Calgary wins that division so they can play either the scary foursome of Edmonton/Vancouver/ Anaheim or Phoenix in the first round right? Either way, I can’t wait for playoff hockey in Chicago again. Grade: A

WITH THEM AROUND WE’LL ALWAYS BE NO. 2

4. Washington Capitals

3. Detroit Red Wings

Both of these teams could still win their conferences. That more than likely won’t happen although there’s still a lot to be done. The Wings/Sharks game on Saturday night was a dog fight of epic proportions and San Jose just upped the ante. (More on that in a moment) Washington continues to get it done at home but strangely lost a pair of home games in the last couple weeks (to Edmonton and Columbus but they beat Boston) which means they might be looking for a change. Here’s where I come in: G Brent Johnson, a ‘09 AND ‘10 1^st round pick and ’09 AND ‘10 2^nd round pick to Ottawa for Jason Spezza. Ottawa needs the picks and the goalie. Washington needs a proven passer to play with Alexander Ovechkin. Niklas Backstrom is coming along, but Spezza could turn Ovie into an 82-40 player. I really hope it happens. Mecca-Lecca-Hi-Mecca-Hiney-Ho. Grade: A

BEASTS OF THE EAST

2. Boston Bruins

This is where Boston will prove if they’re for real. They’re without a bunch of players for the next little while (although they still have an 11 point lead going into Wednesday’s game against Toronto) however with the All Star weekend coming up that could help mend a few of the injuries. They have a big, BIG week afterwards though with games against Washington, New Jersey and the Rangers; all at home however. It’s like I said at the beginning. Sometimes a team is just in a slump (because the owners or GM’s have ruined the team for so long) and they just need to give the fans a reminder of how great it can be coming to see the teams play. We’ve now seen Chicago, Washington, Pittsburgh, Boston, Philadelphia and Carolina transform their arenas from dire, half empty pieces of wood into live, boisterous places where any player would want to play. (OK maybe not Carolina as much as the others) It’ll happen to the Islanders as well. It will. Grade: A

BEST OF THE WEST

1. San Jose Sharks

Is anyone else, out there anywhere in any walk of life as a hockey fan or just a fan of a good ol’ donnybrook NOT tremendously excited that Claude Lemeiux is back in the NHL and with San Jose of all teams? Do you know what this means? Both teams could (and probably will) play in the West Finals and the thought and hope that Lemeiux and Darren McCarty could have one more massive hatred-filled, emotional spill on the ice which would again cause both teams to just lose it in the middle of a game 6 just caused me to j--- in my pants. On that move alone, Grade: A+

No Place Like The Road-AFC/NFC Championship Picks

There seems to be a growing trend in NFL football. It’s begun to resemble two other professional sports leagues. The fact that three of the four teams who had bye weeks lost in the divisional round of the playoffs only furthers this notion. We’re down to the team nobody thought could win (Arizona), the team nobody wanted to play in the second round (Philly), the team always “eeks” out wins (Pittsburgh) and the team nobody wants to see win because they’re boring and I hate them (Baltimore). Fun, fun indeed. It wasn’t always this way though. It wasn’t always this way at all.

It used to be that having that first week off to rest, heal and prepare was a luxury that teams wanted. It was a luxury afforded to only the few teams who had really exceptional years; the ones who dominated their respective conferences and would usually go on to bigger and better things once the wild card foes were disposed of. Not anymore.

It used to be that the NFL playoffs were the one league playoffs where the better teams during the regular season would be the better teams during the playoffs as well. The regular season counted for something. Playing on wild card weekend (and winning) was little consolation because all it meant was a proper thrashing in the second round. Not anymore.

It used to be that the teams who played for the Super Bowl only had to win two games (usually home games to boot) to get there. The thought that anyone other then the Bills and the Giants-49ers winner would make SB XXV was ludicrous. The same thing applied in 1996 when Dallas and Pittsburgh played. Or in 2001 when the Vikings finished second in the NFC only to get shelled by New York in the infamous “play call stealing” NFC Championship game. It used to be that the thought of a wild card team, winning two or especially THREE straight road games to make the Super Bowl was to be risked being laughed out of a sports bar and possibly beaten. Not anymore.

So what’s changed? Why has the NFL playoffs somewhat resembled the NHL Playoffs the last oh, five or six years or so? It’s not just happening in football. Baseball has suffered a similar fate. All of a sudden, in baseball and football, being the best during the regular season and gaining home field advantage means little, like in hockey. The teams we all thought would win no longer do. Look at some of the facts.

In the first eight years of the revamped MLB playoffs which saw the number of teams per league admitted to the playoffs rise from two to four, only twice did a wild card team make the world series (’97 Marlins and ’00 Mets ) and only once did they win (’97). Conversely, since 2003 five teams have made the World Series via the wild card entry (’03 Marlins, ’04 Red Sox, ’05 Astros, and the ’07 Red Sox and Rockies) and those teams have won THREE of the last six World Series. (If you throw in the 84 win 2006 St Louis Cardinals it jumps to four; well done St. Louis: probably the biggest slap in the face to the idea that the regular season counts. “Just get me there” seems to be the new MLB credo)

In the NFL it’s begun to be the same. Since the NFL expanded from ten to twelve playoff teams in 1990 a wild card team has made the Super Bowl ten times. Not a big deal. However three of them have come since 2004 and TWO of those three did not get a home playoff game (’06 Steelers and ’08 Giants). This year, two of the final four did not play a home playoff game and we are a Baltimore win away from having the first ever Super Bowl decided by two teams who did NOT have the once coveted playoff bye week. How can this happen? What has changed to allow for the complete lack of home field advantage in the NFL playoffs? Is momentum really that big a deal? If Baltimore wins, can I call my buddy Ryan and compare his beloved Eli Manning to Joe Flacco?? (Ho, ho)

Bill Simmons from ESPN has a theory about the fact that new state of the art stadiums have taken the home field advantage away from football teams. “Surely the Chicago Bears do not go into the Hoosier dome and beat Indy with the loudness of that stadium do they?” I tend to agree. The three most devastating places to play a road game in the NFL used to be Indy, Denver and Kansas City. Now Indy and Denver have new stadiums (both of which are much quieter than the old ones) and Kansas City hasn’t had a viable team since Dante Hall. The fact that these new stadiums have a ton of luxury boxes and that the fans are so far away from the action might have something to do with it as well. They’re just not intimidating anymore. Hockey was the first sport to start and almost overhaul with new arenas and the same thing happened. (Baseball parks are still entirely different, so we’ll have to cover the peculiar baseball wild card theory another time)

Remember when a team would go into Chicago Stadium (or the Aud in Buffalo, or the old Boston Garden) and you just knew the road team had no chance in winning the game? It didn’t matter who was playing, the home ice advantage was humongous. The rinks were a little louder and the dimensions of the ice surfaces were a little smaller. In Montreal they had the ghosts of hockey past on their side. In Toronto well, ok Toronto was the one place the road team probably had the moneyline on their side. But still, look at the Stanley Cup final matchups since 1993 and how many of them did not finish in the Top 3 of their conference.

1993 – Montreal* vs Los Angeles*
1994 – NY Rangers vs Vancouver*
1995 – New Jersey* vs Detroit
1996 – Colorado vs Florida*
1997 – Philadelphia vs Detroit
1998 – Washington* vs Detroit
1999 – Buffalo* vs Dallas
2000 – New Jersey* vs Dallas
2001 – Colorado vs New Jersey
2002 – Carolina vs Detroit
2003 – New Jersey* vs Anaheim*
2004 – Tampa Bay vs Calgary*
2006 – Carolina vs Edmonton*
2007 – Anaheim vs Ottawa*
2008 – Detroit vs Pittsburgh

13 times. 13 out of 30, or just over 43% of the time! Compare that with the NBA finals (where only the ’99 Knicks have made the finals as an 8th seed; and where Seattle and Golden State winning first round series in 1994 and 2007 made major headlines) and you’ll see what I mean. The “Just get me there” mentality has been alive and well in the NHL for some time. That sort of thinking passed its way into the baseball playoffs in the middle of the decade and has broken through into the NFL the last three years. What brought it on though? Why is the bye week not such a majestic thing these days? It’s hard to say. All I know is that short of Fan Man’s illegitimate son crashing into the endzone during a Larry Fitzgerald touchdown reception nothing will surprise me this weekend. After what we’ve seen the first 18 weeks of the season, that’s almost due to happen. Let’s get to some picks shall we?



CARDINALS (+4) vs Eagles

We’ve all heard the arguments for the Iggles. “Donovan is in THE ZONE!” “His benching gave him a new found aura of invincibility!” “Andy Reid’s beard can scare off herpes.” Either way, I’m not buying it. Philly comes into their THIRD straight playoff road game favoured by 4 points and as much as I’d like to see the Eagles win this game (which I don’t) I can’t see them marching into a place where Arizona’s only two losses came vs the Giants (who were really in the ZONE then) and against Minnesota (after they’d clinched and turned off the burners for the final month of the season, thus making this NFC Championship game held in Glendale, Arz even more implausible) so that doesn’t count.

The fact is, Kurt Warner is a beast. He’s 7-2 all time in the playoffs. He’s got both of his receivers back this week and let’s face it: the only thing he was ever good at in this league was throwing the football. He’s about to cap the most up and down career of anyone who ever played in the NFL. He’s kind of like Mariah Carey. Much like Warner, Carey jumped into the music scene from nowhere with a string of hits, two huge albums, countless awards and shot to stardom even surpassing pre-crack Whitney Houston in terms of fame. (Which back then was huge! All you readers born after 1986 just trust me on that ok?) Then came the Unplugged/Music Box/Daydream trifecta during which she became the biggest star on the planet. Much like her, Warner did the same thing over the next two seasons after winning the Super Bowl as a nobody in 1999. He was untouchable during 2000-01. Setting passing records, TDs everywhere; the Rams were the games’ most elite team for those years and Warner was King of the World.

In 2000 Mariah became crazy and released Rainbow and the movie Glitter. Her stock plummeted and was laughed out of the music biz. Much like her, after the loss to the Patriots in the 2002 Super Bowl, his stock hit an all-time low and he was released. .i’ll repeat that…RELEASED by the Rams. The Rams!

(That season is one I still believe is one of the great sports conspiracies of all time; I have no evidence to back this up, but I am 100% certain that the NFL wanted the Patriots to win after the events of 9/11. Think about it: the Tuck Game, Bledsoe coming off the bench to beat Pittsburgh on the road (really?), the 503 point scoring and 14-2 St Louis Rams being held to 3 points for the first 51 minutes of the Super Bowl before firing off 14 straight points in the last 7 minutes to tie the game setting up a game winning FG by New England. (WTF??) I will always defend this)

Nevertheless, he was released by the Rams. The team who until 1999 had spent the entire decade of the 90s ridiculed by fans and media personnel alike; the team who moved from Los Angeles to St Louis and nobody really cared in La La Land; the team who, you know what it’s not even worth it. He was released by the Rams. Then he was released again by the Giants. Then he signed a nothing contract by the (arguably) worst team in football (at the time) and this year has made a comeback of epic proportions; just like Mariah did in 2005 when “We Belong Together” topped the charts for 3 solid months. Both of them are back and it wasn’t until that 2005 hit that we all realized how special a talent like Mariah’s is. If the Cardinals win on Sunday, we’ll all realize once and for all how special a talent like Kurt Warner’s is. If the Cardinals win on Sunday, he’ll join Tom Brady as the only active QB to take his team to three Super Bowls. And with TWO different teams. He’s playing for his first ballot HOF induction this weekend. He’ll get it.

Cardinals 23, Eagles 13.


STEELERS (-5.5) vs Ravens

I’m not sure what it is. Maybe it’s the purple uniforms. Maybe it’s the boring style of play. Maybe it’s because their last offensive star who lasted more than a year was Bernie Kosar like 20 years ago. Whatever it is, I hate the Ravens. I can’t see Joe Flacco winning three straight playoff road games. Sooner or later it’s going to come back to haunt him. It has to. On the other hand, I’m the guy who just wrote almost 1400 words about how home field means nothing in the playoffs and anyone can win anywhere. On the other other hand, I’m the only one around who picked the Cards last week. Go me. Pittsburgh wins at home. See you in Tampa Bay in a couple weeks.

Steelers 17, Ravens 6.

Last Week: 2-2
Playoffs: 4-4
Season: 133-125-8

Don't mis-underestimate the Penguins

President Bush said it best during his final media address. Apply it to the Pittsburgh Penguins as well.

The Pittsburgh Penguins will be fine. They will be just fine. They’re in a funk. That’s all. They’re guys. We go through funks all the time. Be it in sports, school or dating. As my buddy Greg once said many years ago after a two week spell in which he did very well in the dating field: “Sometimes you bat .220 and sometimes you bat .700. It’s just howz it goes.” Well put.

The Penguins are doing what good teams tend to do in January: They begin losing for no apparent reason. The Boston Celtics are going through the same thing (even though two games against the Raptors appear to be just what the doctor ordered) but no matter. These so-called great teams do it every year, bounce back after Valentines Day and go on runs during the playoffs because lets face it: In the NHL all you really need to do is get there. Anything can and usually does happen in the months of April and May. However it begs the question as to why this is happening to Pittsburgh in the first place.

I picked them to finish first in the East; a prediction that sounded great on paper and in my head. Many other notable NHL columnists picked them to finish no higher than second. Fair enough. Two things I did not count on the Penguins having trouble with this season: 1) The absence of Sergei Gonchar. He’s been out all season and might be back for the playoffs. If they can get him it will bolster a blue line that isn’t that bad to begin with…at playing defence. He is desperately needed to add some fire power to the defence and if he doesn’t return the team needs to look at adding someone on that front for the home stretch. The other thing I missed was something that will be touched upon even more during my “NHL Player Trade Value” column which will be coming out in late February: The Penguins do not have a viable scoring threat on the team.

None. Nobody is home. Last season they had Marian Hossa but lost him to the Red Wings in a decision I still say is kind of strange considering that nobody ever repeats as Cup Champions (just once in the last 16 years) but whatever. He figured if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Touché Marian, touché. This season the highest scoring forward is Sidney Crosby who has 17 and probably will never reach 45 goals in his career. Evgeni Malkin is second with 16 (tied with Petr Sykora) and he’s a long shot to hit 40 again as he seems to be happy setting up others.

Now look at the rest of the Eastern Conference teams. Phil Kessel has 24 in Boston. Jeff Carter with 29 in Philly. Zach Parise and Thomas Vanek have a ton of goals each in New Jersey and Buffalo. (Montreal and New York don’t need high scorers because they have a thing called goalTENDING.)

That’s not to say that Malkin and Crosby aren’t two of the best three players in the league, but the problem is they’re the SAME players. Imagine how worse the Blues would have been in the early 90s with TWO Adam Oates’ instead of one and a Brett Hull. How would the Sharks be right now with two Thornton’s and zero Marleaus? (or 2006 Cheechoo trains?) The Penguins need a 55-28 type player. Right now they have the best two 35-85 players in the league, but it’s not enough during the dog days of January.

That’s not to say they are done. Look at the East for a second. The top five teams are clearly the best five. Pittsburgh is in the next group of three I think. I refuse to believe in a Buffalo team that is shaky and in the middle of nine out of ten on the road (the Catherine Trammel of the schedule) and Florida isn’t scaring anyone and will more than likely be without their top defenseman come the trade deadline. That leaves the ‘Guins in the good shape. It’s the NHL Playoffs: All you need to do is get there. Look at four of the last five Stanley Cup championship series. Anything can happen come May. Do not mis-underestimate Pittsburgh.

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The Dream NHL

After two weeks off, (thank you, thank you very much) and seeing as I’m more than likely the last person to weigh in on the 2009 Winter Classic, all there is left to say is that myself (like you) watched from beginning to end with glee and massive enjoyment. The league could not have chosen two better teams to showcase the event than Detroit and Chicago. (Like Norm and Cliff, Jerry and George or even, Lord help us, Charles and Buddy. You’ll take either one by themselves, but it’s always better when their on at the same time) That Chicago is once again a mighty powerhouse is great for the league and listening to the crowd cheer during the “Star Spangled Banner” was reminiscent of the old Chicago Stadium. I really, really hope they bring that back for the playoffs. It really is a great sight.

Already people are debating where to go for next year. I won’t waste precious column time discussing things like this, that’s better left for a column during Canada Day weekend in between turns at the dunk tank. However, three golden match ups that absolutely must happen in the next three years:

Washington @ NY Rangers at New Yankee Stadium
Los Angeles @ Colorado at Coors Field
Montreal @ Boston at Fenway Park

There. I’ve said it. I’ll move onto something that is much more important: My own agenda.

There is still a problem with the NHL. That much we know. There is still no television deal with the US worth mentioning, there are still a large number of teams that are floundering and the recent economic struggles aren’t helping. (I’m almost positive it would be cheaper for me and three of my friends to rent a car, drive to Atlanta, purchase tickets, see the Thrashers lose 6-2, party with Atlanta girls and then drive home in the morning than to get tickets from a scalper for a Leafs game. Also less expensive: 8 balls and black market babies) Something must be done. Luckily I’ve developed a plan.

Now, keep in mind that this plan has about a 0% change of coming to fruition. The powers that be (ie the Commish) would never let this happen, which is fine. The league will eventually fix itself. Millions of dollars will be printed to save the garbage franchises from capsizing like the Titanic, and thousands of hockey fans in Detroit will eventually become interested to see Columbus at least three times a year. (Cue the monkeys…)

No friends, this is a plan that takes place entirely within the magical world of make believe, except that it’s entirely plausible, a sure fire money maker and would solve the biggest problems facing the league today. Alright, it might not create a huge television deal or scald Gary Bettman in the process, but I’m working on that ok? The first thing we need to do is address these problems, and it starts with the false notion that a historical rivalry is just as important now as it was 40 years ago.

First things first. We need to admit that the Toronto-Montreal experiment did not work. It just did not. Maple Leaf fans of today care very little about the Canadiens and Habs fans care very little about the Maple Leafs. That’s just the way it is. I don’t hate Montreal. I feel total indifference towards the Canadiens. The problem is that unless you were born prior to 1967, you never saw Montreal and Toronto battle much when you were growing up, so there’s no sense of hatred between the two teams. (Case in point, it’s been 30 years since the two clubs played in the playoffs, and, um, 42 since the Leafs won a game against them) I can understand from a historical standpoint that these two teams are supposed to be enemies but that doesn’t translate on the ice or in the stands. The fact of the matter is Leafs fans get up for Ottawa and Buffalo now. Habs fans really get up for Boston (and vice versa. Ask any Boston resident and they’ll tell you stories in which his friends Murph and Sully landed blows on some guy named Pierre after a Habs-Bruins playoff game) and they also get up for another team which always seems to beat them. Instead of trying to force old rivalries upon the public, we need to go back to simple rivalries of just a decade or two ago.

Secondly, this whole East vs West thing has to go. Is there really a reason we pit these two geographic areas against one another for the Stanley Cup? Is there any difference at all where the teams come from? Are the Kings supposed to hate the Devils because they play in different parts of the country? The NBA has always been East vs West for the championship so at least there’s historical value there. The NHL needs to go to where the NFL and MLB got it right: Two Conferences (bring back the names “Wales” & “Campbell”) with three divisions each: East, Central and West. Each one composed of five teams with geographical sensibilities but also and more importantly rivalry sensibilities.

Lastly, admit defeat and go looking for action elsewhere (like any sitcom that ever ended up on UPN). The NHL expansion boom of the 90s and early 2000s was not a complete failure everywhere. San Jose, Anaheim and (until people realized they’re still going nowhere) Columbus have healthy fan bases and sell out their arenas regularly. However Nashville, Florida and Atlanta are garbage dumps. Atlanta is the worst sports city perhaps on planet Earth and should become the first city to lose a professional sports team twice. Nashville has been the talk of moving from everywhere from Kansas City (a move that makes no sense from a hockey standpoint. Middle America belongs to the KC Chiefs and college sports) to Southern Ontario. (Another move which makes little sense. For the most part, people in Southern Ontario are fans of three teams: Toronto, Montreal and Detroit. (My friend Stewart is a Colorado fan and I know a couple Penguins fans and the odd Sabres fan here and there, but most of them belong to the Big Three. Outside of Ottawa nobody cares about the Senators. The Sabres would lose a lot of revenue if Hamilton or Kitchener got a team so that’s not happening. A healthy NHL needs Buffalo for no other reason than to keep Rick Jeanneret employed) There’s only room for one team in Florida and the Lightning have slightly more history than the Panthers (those rats seem like an eon ago) so they’re out too. There are four teams which need to be moved and here’s where they need to go:

a) Move Phoenix back to Winnipeg. It’s time. The Jets were moved because of the lack of a new building and the fact the Canadian dollar was slipping. It was the days before the Salary Cap however, so with the new rules in place making it easy for any team (save Tampa and Toronto) to be able to regularly compete there is no reason at all that a Jets team wouldn’t be healthy. Phoenix failed. The coolest white uniforms need to be brought back.

b) Move Atlanta to Halifax. Canada needs as many teams as possible so the east coast is a reasonable move. It would be a gamble true. But would it be any more of a gamble than expanding to Atlanta in the first place? A city with such a horrid reputation as a sports city that it actually has empty seats during Braves NLDS games? Would this be a bigger gamble than cancelling an entire season in the hopes of fixing the sport to gain a significant TV deal? Would this be a bigger gamble than CBC stupidly thinking they could re create the HNIC theme and that anyone would be impressed with anything that came of it? You get my drift.

c) Give the Florida Panthers to Hartford. I know what you’re thinking, why not just move Carolina back to Hartford? Two reasons, one: Carolina won a Stanley Cup so that counts for something. The fanbase is starting to become regular and say what you want about the Carolina sports scene, but the atmosphere inside the RBC Center during a ‘Canes game is rocking. Secondly and this is totally selfish: Keeping Carolina where they are totally works for my realignment plan. You’ll see why in a few minutes. Florida on the other hand, I mean, have you ever met a Panthers fan? Would anybody miss this team? Would television cameras even record the trucks moving out in the middle of the night like they did when Baltimore moved to Indianpolis in 1984? We could even pretend this expansion never happened like the 1994 CFL USA expansion. Yeah, let’s do that.

d) Here is the King of the moves however. If I were to ask you which NHL team has never ever NOT sold out a hockey game what would you say? This is a team which has never won a Stanley Cup and has won only two playoff series in their history. The most rabid hockey fans in the US reside in Minnesota, and I have absolutely no reason to believe that putting a team in Minneapolis would not only work, but that a St Paul-Minneapolis playoff series would be the biggest thing to happen to that state since Purple Rain came out. The Wild have sold out every game since their inception eight years ago. The Minnesota Golden Gophers are a huge draw. Thousands of kids play pond hockey. Plus the twin cities of St Paul and Minneapolis have the 13th biggest metropolitan area in the US and it has one of the highest standards of living. Sorry Nashville, your new home should be “The land of 10,000 lakes”.

So now that we have the four scourges of the league moved and in new cities we can start discussing realignment. Before the new division line ups are revealed however, it must be said that I racked my brain literally for hours figuring out the best divisional arrangements and then how many games played against each opponent (sad I know). Here we go:

Total # of games: 84 (I did not want to add games; personally I think 82 is too many as it is, but it had to be done)

Division Games: 24 (six against each team)
Conference Games: 20 (four against each team)
Inter-conference Games: 30 (two against each team)

Campbell Conference

East Division

The Campbell East is the first of four monster divisions in this “New NHL”. In it, you have the Montreal Canadiens, Boston Bruins, Carolina Hurricanes, the newly restored Hartford Whalers and the newly moved Halifax NHLers. (You can’t expect me to pick their nickname too, although one comes to mind: Ladies and Gentlemen, the Halifax Seamen) Here you have a division in which four of the teams are from the Northeast, creating geographical rivalries between Montreal and Halifax as well as Boston/Hartford/Halifax. You have one of the best rivalries in the league (Boston/Montreal) as well as reintroducing the Boston/Hartford rivalry. Montreal fans despise playing Carolina because they never ever beat them (that 2002 playoff loss still stings Habs fans) and could you imagine how pumped up the Hartford fans would be to see the Hurricanes playing their new team with the opportunity to stick it to owner Peter Karmanos?? Tell me why this couldn’t and wouldn’t work. Sorry Buffalo and Toronto, you’re out of this division, but trust me, the division you DO get is just as good; if not better.

Central Division

The Campbell Central is an absolutely steeped division (been waiting three years to use that word in that context) made up of three original six teams, the Battle of Ontario and the Battle down the QEW. The Chicago Blackhawks, Detroit Red Wings, Buffalo Sabres, Ottawa Senators and Toronto Maple Leafs comprise this division which not only makes geographic sense but also from a historical standpoint rekindles the type of fierce rivalry NHL fans miss most about the current line ups. Wings/Hawks, Leafs/Sabres, Leafs/Sens, Sens/Sabres, Leafs/Wings: that’s all you need. I know what you’re thinking: This division is totally geared towards Leafs fans. Ok, it might be. But that’s only because they spent 10+ seasons playing against all four of these teams. So what? The most haunting memories of any Leafs fan growing up in the 80s and 90s were spent at the Chicago Stadium, in particular the big bad Chicago Horn. Even though we hated it, we loved it. Go figure. Ask Red Wing or Blackhawk fans if they’d rather see Toronto come to town three times a year instead of Nashville or Columbus. Unless they’re planning on smashing a vase over their head, I bet most would. This would be a very fun division.

West Division

With eight Canadian teams in the “SportsOne’s NHL” it makes sense to keep them all in the same conference, so the remaining four teams comprise the Campbell West with Colorado joining them. (For those of you scoring at home, that’s Calgary, Edmonton, Winnipeg and Vancouver) This division was the easiest by far to figure out. I don’t need to go over why it makes sense from a geographical or marketing standpoint. It would be just as big of a waste of time if I started a discussion on The Hills vs 90210. Just go with me on it. The Campbell West would be a great division.

Wales Conference

East Division

Welcome to our 4th monster division in the SportsOne’s NHL. Are you listening Tampa Bay? You’re going to feel horribly out of place (think Ice Cube in a family comedy…wait a minute), but just go with me ok? There’s nowhere else to put you and you should be happy I even let you stay in my little fake professional hockey league! (That 2004 Stanley Cup pretty much kept you in; horrible personnel moves….horrible) Other than the Lightning, this division has the NY Islanders, NY Rangers, New Jersey Devils and Washington Capitals. (It was really, really hard to keep New Jersey in this league as well but again, three Cups since ‘95) There’s a ton of great rivalries in there. I know I know, Pittsburgh and Philly will be missed. Get over it. They’re in a historical division all their own, along with some old friends from the 1967 Expansion.

Central Division

Perhaps the Wales Central is not chock filled with powerhouse teams like the previous four divisions but hey, sooner or later you run out of teams. Not that this division doesn’t have huge historical significance. As most of you know and not remember because we’re not in our late 40s, when the NHL expanded to 12 teams from the “Original Six” in 1967, the six new teams formed their own division. Amazingly, five of the six teams remain (Oakland is not coming through that door) and four of them are rejoined along with the newest expansion team to make up the Central Division. (There really WAS nowhere to put Columbus; not that it would matter for obvious reasons) Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, St. Louis, and Dallas (obviously formerly the Minnesota North Stars) all joined at the same time so why not put them together again? I’d even make a catch that for every divisional game these teams MUST wear their original jerseys. Is there anything quite as cool as seeing Pittsburgh in their powder blues?

West Division

There’s only one division left and perhaps geographically it makes the least amount of sense but think of it this way: The Minnesota Wild already go out to the west coast at least three times a year to play Vancouver and the three California teams, not to mention Phoenix so its not a stretch to eliminate one trip to BC, add one more to Cali and get rid of the Arizona stop altogether. Behold the Wales West: The Los Angeles Kings, Anaheim Ducks, San Jose Sharks, St Paul Wild and Minneapolis Lakers. (It makes SO much more sense in Minnesota doesn’t it?) There you have it. Six divisions, all with geographical sensibilities and rivalries. What about the playoffs? It’s easy. First, lets look at the divisions in a lateral sense.


East Central West

Boston Chicago Edmonton
Montreal Toronto Calgary
Hartford Detroit Colorado
Carolina Ottawa Winnipeg
Halifax Buffalo Vancouver

NY Rangers St Louis San Jose
NY Islanders Philadelphia St Paul (formerly Minnesota)
Tampa Bay Columbus Los Angeles
New Jersey Pittsburgh Anaheim
Washington Dallas Minneapolis

Vs division: 24
Vs conference: 20
Vs other league: 30

Ok, here’s the playoff rules. It’s still best of seven all the way through, the first AND second place teams in each division qualify automatically and are seeded 1-6. Just because a team wins a crappy division does not guarantee a Top 3 seed. All too often we hear people complain about certain teams in the current Southeast division getting a top seed just because they won their garbage division. (Nobody ever seems to point out that two of the last four Stanley Cup winners came from that division however)

Next, the best two remaining teams get in. They could be the two best third place teams in two divisions or the 3rd and 4th place teams in one division. Either way, they’re seeded 7-8. Another change and this is one hockey purists will hate, but it would make hockey playoff pools relevant again: No re-seeding after each round. If the No 8 team knocks off the No 1 seed 4-2 in round one, the 4-5 winner still gets to play the No 8 seed. Just like in the NCAA tournament, sometimes you get lucky.

So there you go. The Dream NHL. Move some teams around to better markets, bring back the rivalries of the 70s and 80s and admit that only dinosaurs care about the Leafs/Habs “rivalry” anymore. Then we can move onto slaying the commish. Bring on the hot oil! It’s something we can build on together. Yes we can. Yes we can. Happy new year everyone. The SportsOne is back.