NHL Mid-Season Report Cards! A's all around!

Well that was a fun three months. We’re halfway through the season and a lot has happened. The Penguins are mired in a slump (although they just won in Philly but dropped a pair to Washington and Carolina), the Bruins are killing everyone (though they just lost to the Blues) and Columbus is threatening to remove themselves from the prestigious “Only NHL team to never have made the playoffs” stigma (although they just lost a game in Edmonton in which they led 3-2 in the third. Some things never change). All that means is that it’s time to bang out the mid season report cards! (Oh, and to be nice I’ve decided to award each team an “A” and focus only on the positive points)

HAROLD BALLARD DIVISION

30. New York Islanders

Two positive points: 1) You’re ever closer to landing the most ping pong balls in the Jon Tavares sweepstakes. (for all you Hedman supporters, look: The Isle NEEDS a scorer like Tavares. They need him bad. They need to bring people back to the Nassau the same way the Capitals needed to bring people to Chinatown and the way the Penguins needed to bring people to their garbage arena. Jonathon Tavares will fill seats. As much as I’d like to see him in a Toronto uniform next year, he needs to land on Long Island. For the good of the league. God help me. Oh and) 2) Only 12 more years until you’ve ridden yourself of the Rick DiPietro contract!! Grade: A

29. Ottawa Senators

Good job by the Senators for helping prove once again that it is nearly impossible to compete in this league when you have almost $25M invested in three players. Hurray that the Sens have two viable players they can trade to help stockpile draft picks. Kudos to the Ottawa management for having the foresight to sign them to these contracts NOT so as to have the Sens win the Cup but to one day be in a position where they can trade them away for future endeavours before either one of them is 30!! Grade: A+

28. Atlanta Thrashers

Hurray! They just made Ilya Kovalchuck the captain. He’ll be traded before the end of next season!! Grade: A

27. Toronto Maple Leafs

The Leafs are finally playing the way we all thought they could, nay, SHOULD play all the year. Sadly, the Islanders are running away with the coveted “Most Ping Balls” award but Tomas Kaberle finally said he’s open to a trade if he’s convinced the team and the fans don’t want him anymore. Well, its a few years late but good job by him. Grade: A

JOHN FERGUSON JR DIVISION

26. Tampa Bay Lightning

Martin St Louis and Vinny LaCalvalier are turning into the “Malone & Stockton” of the NHL. They’re great but because they play in exile in Tampa (or in Utah) nobody ever gets to watch. On the flip side, Vinny might be out and on his way to Montreal soon. Good job by Tampa for getting rid of a huge contract and setting a good example for their expansion cousins in Ottawa. Grade: A

25. St Louis Blues

We just beat the Bruins in Boston!! We just beat the Bruins in Boston!! Grade: A

24. Los Angeles Kings

The Kings are getting there. No, not the playoffs, to a point where they can be competitive game in and game out. Loved the way they played Detroit last week. Patrick O’Sullivan is good. Ok, nothing the Kings do warrants two exclamation points. Oh well, in the spirit of the season: Grade: A

23. Nashville Predators

Quietly have the best defenceman in the league. Shh. You don’t even know his name yet, but he’s there. Call it an early Norris pick. Grade: A

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?

22. Dallas Stars

Got rid of Sean Avery (really? That’s happened SINCE my quarterly review?) and the Stars are on a roll. Grade: A+

21. Florida Panthers

I refuse to buy into this team seeing as their best player is on the trading block and will be gone before the end of February. But at least they’re still doing something with almost nothing. That being said, Tomas Vokun is still the league’s poster boy for the “I Wish I Hadn’t Chased The Money” group founded by former Rockies pitcher Mike Hampton. Grade: A

20. Colorado Avalanche

Yes, it’s been confirmed: Both Ryan Smyth and Darcy Tucker do indeed still play in the NHL. Grade: A

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGICAL MIRACLES LIKE THE COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS ACTUALLY MAKING THE PLAYOFFS?

19. Columbus Blue Jackets

Best goalie in the league the last two months. They need something extra at the trade deadline before people in central Ohio can stage a mini-Vancouver type riot. Grade: A

WE GOT A NEW PLAYER AND WE’RE SCREWED

18. Vancouver Canucks

Good news: Luongo is back and ready to play. Better news: Mats Sundin WILL be in shape before the end of his contract! Grade: A

WE LOST A PLAYER AND WE’RE SCREWED

17. Minnesota Wild

Their big trade bait, Marian Gaborik, is done until probably after the trade deadline which means instead of getting 75 cents on the dollar for his expiring contract they’ll get closer to 50 or 60. Nothing more to say here; it’s just a crappy turn of events. (See? I can be sombre when it’s warranted!) Grade: DNF

WE’RE SCREWED FOR NO APPARENT REASON

16. Pittsburgh Penguins

For now they are, but they’ll be fine. Just go here and you’ll see. It’ll be fine, everything is just fine. It’s fine. Grade: A

YOU HEAR THAT? HE WAS GETTIN’ THERE!!

15. Edmonton Oilers

14. Carolina Hurricanes

13. Phoenix Coyotes

12. Anaheim Ducks

11. Buffalo Sabres

Five teams in this group. All of which I could see finishing anywhere from 6^th to 10^th in their conferences. Edmonton still has a shot at 3^rd I suppose. Either way, for fans in Buffalo, Edmonton, Carolina and Anaheim it’ll be an interesting next 40 games. If there were fans in Phoenix, the Globe & Mail wouldn’t have run a front page story about how much in the red your team is. At least it matches their uniforms. Grade: A’s all around!

POTENTIALLY SCARY COME APRIL

10. New York Rangers

They’ve cooled off since that torrid start but still boast one of the best goalies in the league. You could say they could use more firepower up front, but nevertheless still a scary team come playoff time. Goaltending in the

playoffs is everything. Grade: A

9. New Jersey Devils

Brendan Shanahanahan is back in the swamp and probably misses the green on the uniforms. That being said, the Devils are starting to gel. Obviously you put Brodeur back in the pipes when he’s back right? I wonder…Grade: A

8. Calgary Flames

Goaltending again is the key to the Flames success. Kipprusoff is as steady as it comes but something just doesn’t sit right with this Calgary club. Sure they won 9 of 10, but…But nothing. 9 of 10 is a great stretch. Here! Here! Grade: A

JUST WAIT TILL WE GET DANIEL BRIERE BACK

7. Philadelphia Flyers

Oops. He’s coming back tonight against Atlanta. The Flyers just became the team nobody wants to play in the first round of the playoffs. (In the east anyway) Grade: A

ON AUTO-PILOT TILL THE PLAYOFFS

6. Chicago Blackhawks

5. Montreal Canadiens

Neither of these teams will win their divisions. Both will more than likely finish 4^th in their respective conferences. The Habs will get either New Jersey or the Rangers; whoever finishes second to the Flyers. (That’s right, I’m calling the Atlantic Division for Philadelphia right now) Chicago on the other hand HAS to be praying that Calgary wins that division so they can play either the scary foursome of Edmonton/Vancouver/ Anaheim or Phoenix in the first round right? Either way, I can’t wait for playoff hockey in Chicago again. Grade: A

WITH THEM AROUND WE’LL ALWAYS BE NO. 2

4. Washington Capitals

3. Detroit Red Wings

Both of these teams could still win their conferences. That more than likely won’t happen although there’s still a lot to be done. The Wings/Sharks game on Saturday night was a dog fight of epic proportions and San Jose just upped the ante. (More on that in a moment) Washington continues to get it done at home but strangely lost a pair of home games in the last couple weeks (to Edmonton and Columbus but they beat Boston) which means they might be looking for a change. Here’s where I come in: G Brent Johnson, a ‘09 AND ‘10 1^st round pick and ’09 AND ‘10 2^nd round pick to Ottawa for Jason Spezza. Ottawa needs the picks and the goalie. Washington needs a proven passer to play with Alexander Ovechkin. Niklas Backstrom is coming along, but Spezza could turn Ovie into an 82-40 player. I really hope it happens. Mecca-Lecca-Hi-Mecca-Hiney-Ho. Grade: A

BEASTS OF THE EAST

2. Boston Bruins

This is where Boston will prove if they’re for real. They’re without a bunch of players for the next little while (although they still have an 11 point lead going into Wednesday’s game against Toronto) however with the All Star weekend coming up that could help mend a few of the injuries. They have a big, BIG week afterwards though with games against Washington, New Jersey and the Rangers; all at home however. It’s like I said at the beginning. Sometimes a team is just in a slump (because the owners or GM’s have ruined the team for so long) and they just need to give the fans a reminder of how great it can be coming to see the teams play. We’ve now seen Chicago, Washington, Pittsburgh, Boston, Philadelphia and Carolina transform their arenas from dire, half empty pieces of wood into live, boisterous places where any player would want to play. (OK maybe not Carolina as much as the others) It’ll happen to the Islanders as well. It will. Grade: A

BEST OF THE WEST

1. San Jose Sharks

Is anyone else, out there anywhere in any walk of life as a hockey fan or just a fan of a good ol’ donnybrook NOT tremendously excited that Claude Lemeiux is back in the NHL and with San Jose of all teams? Do you know what this means? Both teams could (and probably will) play in the West Finals and the thought and hope that Lemeiux and Darren McCarty could have one more massive hatred-filled, emotional spill on the ice which would again cause both teams to just lose it in the middle of a game 6 just caused me to j--- in my pants. On that move alone, Grade: A+